Ponder Ponder Ponder...
today we face a battalion of horrible diseases, war and moral degradation. just why? is it the apocalypse arriving or is it just another way of God to remind us that we really are just mere mortals. that we are not as powerful as we believe. and the worst bit is, the more we look into it, we find that the causes of all the pain ans suffering around is really, us!
ok, one very fine example is the mad cow disease. as all of us know now, it was due to farmers trying to save money and started this "smart idea" of giving their bovines their dead and processed brothers and sisters... eww! even we humans shun cannabalism. and these pitiful cows, totally clueless, munch happily on these little "treats" their beloved owners provide them. can you imagine what those poor cows are thinking as they froth in the mouth and go mad?! they're prolly cursing us for:
1. we're eating them
2. Taking their precious milk
3. feeding them their relatives
4. causing them torment and pain from the stupidity of feeding them with their relative's extra parts.
another new threat would be that blasted bird flu. well, i haven't read up on what's causing it, but as with all viruses, i'm guessing that this was once harmless to humans, then, bang! it evolved to be bigger and badder! haha! but the thing is i'm kinda peeved over the fact that i can't get to eat chicken in peace! can you imagine a world without chicken? no!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
as for the war, i think we only have one man to blame. actually, i'm starting to wonder if i should call him a man or a stupid asshole. i'll stick with the SA (stupid asshole). now this SA is a really dumbass. i mean like, he goes marching into war, even after the absolute no no from UN and all those biggies, pope included. and i was thinking, ok, since bushie is a catholic, he'd listen to John Paul II, but, noooooooooooooo! the SA bushie thinks he's better than God apparently and directly disobeys a man sent by the Good Lord to lead over us... really la, a big STUPID ASS!!!
as far as i know, the US has lost a great number of young men in that war, not to mention the poor iraqis. one day, they were all living in fear of a dictator but knowing that they'll be safe if they keep their thoughts to themselves, very content with life. then suddenly, BANG!!!! weddings have been crashed with bombs, families torn apart and children are left orphaned. who gave that SA any right to invade them!?
i know that there maybe some good that would come out of the war, but at this rate. people are angry with the Americans trespassing and the soilders are not exactly accustomed to their ways, thus causing much more friction. in a world where customs and religon are a huge aspect, the soilders are just messing it up further.
i remember that the US promised to free Iraq and then leave. till now, they haven't left. what they thought would be a quick process of liberation has turned into a grueling battle of politics and arms. rebels attacking the US troops, innocents, and trying assasinate US appointed leaders. this is definitely not what the iraqis would have thought that they would get. trust me, any sane person would think that way.
about naturally caused disasters, i won't "rant" cos it's just nature... sigh, or is it?
Wednesday, February 22, 2006
Sunday, February 19, 2006
Feeling Fat and Tired... :S
have been sleeping at ungodly hours lately and waking up at 7am with mummy screaming in your ear that if you don't, your brother will eat all the toothpaste up. ok, i'm exagerating. my brothers don't eat toothpaste. they just stay there longer than i do.
my 18 year old bro, the middle one, des, would spend at least 10 minutes on his ridiculous hair. i have no idea why? in the end, no matter what, his face spoils it all! (my brother frequently reminds me that we siblings are pre-programmed to say that regardless how hot the individual may think... or the stupid air-headed females that seem to find the ugly twerp alluring... *vomits*)
the youngest one would then complete the session of waiting for the loo by banging on the door informing my entire floor that he needs to use the toilet or he'll bake brownies in the hallway (putting it in a less disgusting way). and when he finally gets in, he would grace the bathroom with the most enticing scents known to man. after sure display of affection to their lovely elder sister who cringes at the thought of having to enter a bathroom with enticing smells and a wad of phlegm sitting contently on the sink strainer (you know, the little metal thingy that stops us from clogging up the drain with hair), who wouldn't want to go brush their teeth and get ready.
i sometimes wonder why i bother trying to remind my youngest brother to put up the toilet seat when peeing and to somehow get a young adult to remember to wash the strainer once he has deposited his green glob of carbohydrates and such. all my warnings, reminders, seem to be just a waste of breath! hahah! but i guess i'll just have to put up with it. such disgusting things brothers are. can't live with them, but can't laugh at yourself thinking that you're hot.
i'm so tired!!!!!!!! i so need to sleep :S
have been sleeping at ungodly hours lately and waking up at 7am with mummy screaming in your ear that if you don't, your brother will eat all the toothpaste up. ok, i'm exagerating. my brothers don't eat toothpaste. they just stay there longer than i do.
my 18 year old bro, the middle one, des, would spend at least 10 minutes on his ridiculous hair. i have no idea why? in the end, no matter what, his face spoils it all! (my brother frequently reminds me that we siblings are pre-programmed to say that regardless how hot the individual may think... or the stupid air-headed females that seem to find the ugly twerp alluring... *vomits*)
the youngest one would then complete the session of waiting for the loo by banging on the door informing my entire floor that he needs to use the toilet or he'll bake brownies in the hallway (putting it in a less disgusting way). and when he finally gets in, he would grace the bathroom with the most enticing scents known to man. after sure display of affection to their lovely elder sister who cringes at the thought of having to enter a bathroom with enticing smells and a wad of phlegm sitting contently on the sink strainer (you know, the little metal thingy that stops us from clogging up the drain with hair), who wouldn't want to go brush their teeth and get ready.
i sometimes wonder why i bother trying to remind my youngest brother to put up the toilet seat when peeing and to somehow get a young adult to remember to wash the strainer once he has deposited his green glob of carbohydrates and such. all my warnings, reminders, seem to be just a waste of breath! hahah! but i guess i'll just have to put up with it. such disgusting things brothers are. can't live with them, but can't laugh at yourself thinking that you're hot.
i'm so tired!!!!!!!! i so need to sleep :S
Thursday, February 16, 2006
Little Bother's (Brother's) 9th Birthday
ok, so today is the little terror's birthday. he's going to be 9!!! sheesh! just not long ago, he was just a baby that my mum didn't allow me to carry. then again, not long ago, i had crooked teeth and had not learnt the beauty of contact lenses. but now, it's a whole different story. looking at my brother now, with my clearer vision using the blessed things called contact lenses, i see he's grown up.
who in the world gave them the permission to grow up!? i was just getting comfortable to his cute little toothy grin when he started to talk, then suddenly, he's shooting his mouth off, refusing to shut up! and it's still that way, just worse obviously. you know, maybe it would be good if little brothers never learn to speak until they grow up to be men? hmmm... hahha! or at least till i'm out of the house where he won't scream at me for not letting him watch tv, me play dota, or any game for the start. sigh!!!!
well, i have to look out for my other brother who'll be 18 next friday... sigh! pressie hunting again. you have no idea how expensive it is to have brothers!!! i'm telling you, i'm going to torture my kids and give them 3 brothers!!! bwahahah! on a second thought, no. i can't risk the pain of child brith that many times. i'll die. so maybe two kids will be enough. sigh... there goes my plan to torture my kids...
can you imagine me running after 4 terrors?! that would be hell! i can barely take my brother's unceasing whining and screaming (when he's throwing his tantrums), how can i bare 4??!?!?!?! my dear dear will be ever so pleased to read this. as a matter a fact, i can see him going, "I told you so!" oh, by the way, my darling thinks having one is enough (considering he's an only child) but i believe in having more than one! hahah! but less than three... it'll be hell otherwise. so do the math... hahah!
oh, don't get me wrong. i love kids! so long they don't scream, punch, cry and throw tantrums at me. and another thing is i hate kids who forget how young they are and demand things... thus my brother always getting very harsh scoldings from me. sigh! it's not pleasant mind you. gets very guilt racking... but i think i can pull it off without him breaking my heart in front of him. i'm becoming my mum!!! oh no!!!!
oh, by the way, mum's the best mum in the world. hahah! and i like the way she brought us up. just that my youngest bro has alot of influence from his rich rich friends in that snotty school cempaka where mummys are carrying louis vuitton to school and clicking in their impossiblely high jimmy choos. oh did i mention that they also wear versace tops with guess jeans and nike sneakers just to pick up their kids... and they stand there for not more than 15 minutes... bloody show offs... (so what? i'm jealous they have money and i haven't! :P) well, i only wear my very worn out romp jeans plus my pasar malam t-shirt and man slippers.... feeling very small mer!
ok, so today is the little terror's birthday. he's going to be 9!!! sheesh! just not long ago, he was just a baby that my mum didn't allow me to carry. then again, not long ago, i had crooked teeth and had not learnt the beauty of contact lenses. but now, it's a whole different story. looking at my brother now, with my clearer vision using the blessed things called contact lenses, i see he's grown up.
who in the world gave them the permission to grow up!? i was just getting comfortable to his cute little toothy grin when he started to talk, then suddenly, he's shooting his mouth off, refusing to shut up! and it's still that way, just worse obviously. you know, maybe it would be good if little brothers never learn to speak until they grow up to be men? hmmm... hahha! or at least till i'm out of the house where he won't scream at me for not letting him watch tv, me play dota, or any game for the start. sigh!!!!
well, i have to look out for my other brother who'll be 18 next friday... sigh! pressie hunting again. you have no idea how expensive it is to have brothers!!! i'm telling you, i'm going to torture my kids and give them 3 brothers!!! bwahahah! on a second thought, no. i can't risk the pain of child brith that many times. i'll die. so maybe two kids will be enough. sigh... there goes my plan to torture my kids...
can you imagine me running after 4 terrors?! that would be hell! i can barely take my brother's unceasing whining and screaming (when he's throwing his tantrums), how can i bare 4??!?!?!?! my dear dear will be ever so pleased to read this. as a matter a fact, i can see him going, "I told you so!" oh, by the way, my darling thinks having one is enough (considering he's an only child) but i believe in having more than one! hahah! but less than three... it'll be hell otherwise. so do the math... hahah!
oh, don't get me wrong. i love kids! so long they don't scream, punch, cry and throw tantrums at me. and another thing is i hate kids who forget how young they are and demand things... thus my brother always getting very harsh scoldings from me. sigh! it's not pleasant mind you. gets very guilt racking... but i think i can pull it off without him breaking my heart in front of him. i'm becoming my mum!!! oh no!!!!
oh, by the way, mum's the best mum in the world. hahah! and i like the way she brought us up. just that my youngest bro has alot of influence from his rich rich friends in that snotty school cempaka where mummys are carrying louis vuitton to school and clicking in their impossiblely high jimmy choos. oh did i mention that they also wear versace tops with guess jeans and nike sneakers just to pick up their kids... and they stand there for not more than 15 minutes... bloody show offs... (so what? i'm jealous they have money and i haven't! :P) well, i only wear my very worn out romp jeans plus my pasar malam t-shirt and man slippers.... feeling very small mer!
Saturday, February 11, 2006
Chap Goh Meh Tomorrow
for all who plan to collect more ang pau, now would be a good time! haha! this is the last night i'm going to bed with my ang pau's piled up under my pillow. something my mum had told me to do since i was a little lass. something to do with growing up well! :P anyhow, i have more ang pau then my brother!!! woo hoo! and seriously. he's not so happy about it :P hahah!
well, today was so so. went to catch fun with dick and jane at GSC 1 U. it's an ok movie, for the quick witted. had my two brothers in tow so that wasn't ideal movie watching mood for me. surprisinglyy, my youngest bro was capable of staying still through the entire movie! proud of him for that! hahah! but what kind of bummed my day was the brunch we had.
there's this shop in Taman Megah, not Ming Tien, but this other shop that sells S'wak Kam pua. good stuff when i first openned but not anymore. too many customers and they aren't capable in keeping up with the demands. so basically, the noodles get worse the later you reach. anyhow, i wasn't upset over the food, i was more of upset over the drinks.
imagine this, a very packed coffee shop, 2 drink ladies working it. my brothers and mum managed to get a table and there were still three coffee cups on the table. we called one of the drink girls to clear the table since all the other things had been cleared already. then she nods and tells us to wait. ok, we're ok with that. we order our noodles and wait for the drink lady to come around to clear the table again. SHE WALKS PAST US TO CLEAR THE TABLE BEHIND US, mind you, they came much later than us, THEN HAS THE NERVE TO TELL US TO WAIT AGAIN!!!
alright, i know you may say, "aww... it was a packed day. i'm sure you can wait right?"
-------- 30 minutes later with 3 empty bowls of noodles----
no, she hasn't cleared our table yet. people are starting to point out to her that my youngest brother has been trying to get her attention for the past half an hour. she huffs and tells her lady boss, the other drink girl. lady boss looks at us then looks away... WHAT THE FUCK?! not only that, she walks to another table and takes their order and clears their table!!!! bloody fuck! i was so pissed.
so after some 15 minutes and 4 empty bowls of noodles, she finally comes, my brothers are just finishing their last mouthful, as she clears the table, i tell her to leave, we have nothing to order. then... i mean like what's the point oh? people finish their food liao then only you come. for what oh? then, the fucking bitch slams the three coffee cups onto the tray and glares at me!!!! what the fuck!? i wanted to scold her already but my mum was like, "why she walked off like that? make us wait then act like we owe her money,".
ok, must cool down... sigh... too much la... never eating there again. EVERYONE WHO BOTHERS TO READ THIS POST, NEVER EAT THERE!!! SERVICE SUCKS AND THE DRINKS LADY IS TOO RICH LIAO. DON'T NEED YOUR MONEY!
hehe...
for all who plan to collect more ang pau, now would be a good time! haha! this is the last night i'm going to bed with my ang pau's piled up under my pillow. something my mum had told me to do since i was a little lass. something to do with growing up well! :P anyhow, i have more ang pau then my brother!!! woo hoo! and seriously. he's not so happy about it :P hahah!
well, today was so so. went to catch fun with dick and jane at GSC 1 U. it's an ok movie, for the quick witted. had my two brothers in tow so that wasn't ideal movie watching mood for me. surprisinglyy, my youngest bro was capable of staying still through the entire movie! proud of him for that! hahah! but what kind of bummed my day was the brunch we had.
there's this shop in Taman Megah, not Ming Tien, but this other shop that sells S'wak Kam pua. good stuff when i first openned but not anymore. too many customers and they aren't capable in keeping up with the demands. so basically, the noodles get worse the later you reach. anyhow, i wasn't upset over the food, i was more of upset over the drinks.
imagine this, a very packed coffee shop, 2 drink ladies working it. my brothers and mum managed to get a table and there were still three coffee cups on the table. we called one of the drink girls to clear the table since all the other things had been cleared already. then she nods and tells us to wait. ok, we're ok with that. we order our noodles and wait for the drink lady to come around to clear the table again. SHE WALKS PAST US TO CLEAR THE TABLE BEHIND US, mind you, they came much later than us, THEN HAS THE NERVE TO TELL US TO WAIT AGAIN!!!
alright, i know you may say, "aww... it was a packed day. i'm sure you can wait right?"
-------- 30 minutes later with 3 empty bowls of noodles----
no, she hasn't cleared our table yet. people are starting to point out to her that my youngest brother has been trying to get her attention for the past half an hour. she huffs and tells her lady boss, the other drink girl. lady boss looks at us then looks away... WHAT THE FUCK?! not only that, she walks to another table and takes their order and clears their table!!!! bloody fuck! i was so pissed.
so after some 15 minutes and 4 empty bowls of noodles, she finally comes, my brothers are just finishing their last mouthful, as she clears the table, i tell her to leave, we have nothing to order. then... i mean like what's the point oh? people finish their food liao then only you come. for what oh? then, the fucking bitch slams the three coffee cups onto the tray and glares at me!!!! what the fuck!? i wanted to scold her already but my mum was like, "why she walked off like that? make us wait then act like we owe her money,".
ok, must cool down... sigh... too much la... never eating there again. EVERYONE WHO BOTHERS TO READ THIS POST, NEVER EAT THERE!!! SERVICE SUCKS AND THE DRINKS LADY IS TOO RICH LIAO. DON'T NEED YOUR MONEY!
hehe...
Wednesday, February 08, 2006
Waiting for Exams to Start
no, i'm not crazy... i am waiting for the exams to begin. i just want to get over with it la. having business Stats today. as soon as the exams are over, i'm free to sleep as long as i like, take loooong soaks in the swimming pool downstairs, tan myself if i want. you know la. just chill. oh, but then again, i have to get ready for my new semester. plan to study beforehand for one of my subjects, i failed them both by a few marks last semester and my very dear lecturers refuse to add a couple of marks to help me pull through.
oh, exams are going to start at 1.30 pm and the time now us only, 11.52 am. the retarded thing is that the lecturer told us that the exams start at 8.30 am and i have been up since then. my poor boyfriend, being the wonderful suppportive darling that he is, woke up early, battled a awful jam just to be with me before i entered the exam hall... to no avail. imagine both our shocked expressions when staring stupidly at the notice board that said that the exams were at 1.30 pm and not at 8.30 am. we both felt so cheated... especially him.
oh, but i wasn't the only one that got "Con-ned". i later saw my classmate strolling up to the notice board, stare in disbelief and ask me if he was seeing things. so thus proving that i did see it right and i did hear my lecturer tell me otherwise. who should i believe? the notice board. upstairs, the notice board didn't have any indication that my subject was being tested at 8.30 am.
just got back from pyramid actually, had a very heavy brunch of bbq lays and mc d's nuggets value meal. and the nicest thing is my dear dear is hanging out with me... he's willing to sit here, doing nothing for some one and a half hours, just to see me to the hall! he's so sweet!!! (:P)
so basically, he's sitting here, next to me, totally adorable and staring at random stuff... and he has a plan to grow a billy goat beard... then braid it... wannabe "black metal star" hahah! oh, but he begs to differ! did i ever mention that he's a car fanatic? oh, i guess you can make that out la, from my previous post, so yeah, he's also surfing random car sites... men! heheh!
no, i'm not crazy... i am waiting for the exams to begin. i just want to get over with it la. having business Stats today. as soon as the exams are over, i'm free to sleep as long as i like, take loooong soaks in the swimming pool downstairs, tan myself if i want. you know la. just chill. oh, but then again, i have to get ready for my new semester. plan to study beforehand for one of my subjects, i failed them both by a few marks last semester and my very dear lecturers refuse to add a couple of marks to help me pull through.
oh, exams are going to start at 1.30 pm and the time now us only, 11.52 am. the retarded thing is that the lecturer told us that the exams start at 8.30 am and i have been up since then. my poor boyfriend, being the wonderful suppportive darling that he is, woke up early, battled a awful jam just to be with me before i entered the exam hall... to no avail. imagine both our shocked expressions when staring stupidly at the notice board that said that the exams were at 1.30 pm and not at 8.30 am. we both felt so cheated... especially him.
oh, but i wasn't the only one that got "Con-ned". i later saw my classmate strolling up to the notice board, stare in disbelief and ask me if he was seeing things. so thus proving that i did see it right and i did hear my lecturer tell me otherwise. who should i believe? the notice board. upstairs, the notice board didn't have any indication that my subject was being tested at 8.30 am.
just got back from pyramid actually, had a very heavy brunch of bbq lays and mc d's nuggets value meal. and the nicest thing is my dear dear is hanging out with me... he's willing to sit here, doing nothing for some one and a half hours, just to see me to the hall! he's so sweet!!! (:P)
so basically, he's sitting here, next to me, totally adorable and staring at random stuff... and he has a plan to grow a billy goat beard... then braid it... wannabe "black metal star" hahah! oh, but he begs to differ! did i ever mention that he's a car fanatic? oh, i guess you can make that out la, from my previous post, so yeah, he's also surfing random car sites... men! heheh!
Sunday, February 05, 2006
Thinking...
as i'm preparing for my management exams, i'm looking through a job personality test... and honestly, i'm wondering if the course i'm doing will fullfill me in future. when i left college, or actually even before i started college, i had only one aim in my life for a job. one that would benefit the screwed up world we live in. my options? or rather what i would have loved to have been were the typical chinese set thinking;
1. doctor
2. doctor
3. doctor
reason why? to outdo myself. all my life has been a drilling my parents have done since i was a child. the only profession they thought a chinese should do were either being a doctor or an engineer. ok, so after my a-levels, i told them that i didn't qualify for med school but i could enter biotech or engineering... i chose biotech... but what is it that i truly want?
i read about people doing things that they love. it sounds great. my boyfriend's mum asked me why i wasn't a vet since i loved animals so much. i gave her the same answer my parents gave me when i asked if i could study to become a vet, "no business in m'sia la,". but i look around and everywhere i go, i see veterinary clinics popping up like mushrooms... and mind you, they're doing great... just lacking the space to treat they're furry patients.
my personality would suit, according to the book, the work of a social worker, psychologist and all the people work you can imagine. i did want to be someone to do pro bono work in clinics and stuff and work with the befrienders... but again, i was discouraged from it. the reason why? my parents responded the same way they responded about veterinary science... i honestly wondered if i had dared to challenge their statement, would i be on the way to be a vet? would i be on the way to be a shrink?
all these possibilities that could have and would have really are bothering me now... i can't help but wonder, do my parents really know what's best for me? i hate to doubt them but then again, everything they've done has worked out fine for me... minus the a-levels. don't get me wrong! i love my course... it's interesting and stuff, but there's alot of memorising... something i'm not so good at :P
another thought that has been bugging me is "what if i were born into a family with less conservative thinking than mine?" i'm assuming that my folks are the same, but "cooler". in other words, they have let me make all my decisions, supported my every talent to allow it to grow, water my ambitions to help me be me. i remember when i was a little girl, i wanted to be like grandpa, painting pictures for a living. my parents sat me on their knee and said, "if you like painting, next time when you're a big girl, you paint. but for now, you have to study hard so you can do the things you like when you're big. painting will not earn you much. you better be a doctor or an engineer,"
i know my talents. i have a creative mind, capable of poetry, writing stories that captivate my teachers, painting sceneries... you get the idea... i also know that i can be the most emotional being in the world, feeling compassion (sometimes too much it's dangerous) for people and anything living. but then i also know my analytical mind would be restless. as of now, i feed both. my analytical mind prey's on my uni work, my creative mind is confined to the laptop i type on.
i no longer paint. my parents say it's a waste of time. i no longer compose poetry, i have no time. i no longer write short stories either. it's scary how much my priorities have shifted from what i had desired when i was younger. i remember seeing the "One Academy" brochure. how i longed to join the academy to be a proper artist. i was told not to due to the dodgey future i may end up having. not that biotech is that stable in the first place :P
ah well, it's a materialistic world we live in. all i want to do is return to simpler ages when people could have tabs that the grocer knows you'd pay. where i could just walk down the street without worrying someone would snatch my bag. where i could just walk in a street at night without thinking of bringing pepper spray. what has this world become? was i so sheltered that my childhood has shaped me to be such a romantic where even a small cottage would cost me so much money i'd have to pay through my nose?! sigh!
just the musings of a disgruntled woman child dying to dance barefoot in the rain...
as i'm preparing for my management exams, i'm looking through a job personality test... and honestly, i'm wondering if the course i'm doing will fullfill me in future. when i left college, or actually even before i started college, i had only one aim in my life for a job. one that would benefit the screwed up world we live in. my options? or rather what i would have loved to have been were the typical chinese set thinking;
1. doctor
2. doctor
3. doctor
reason why? to outdo myself. all my life has been a drilling my parents have done since i was a child. the only profession they thought a chinese should do were either being a doctor or an engineer. ok, so after my a-levels, i told them that i didn't qualify for med school but i could enter biotech or engineering... i chose biotech... but what is it that i truly want?
i read about people doing things that they love. it sounds great. my boyfriend's mum asked me why i wasn't a vet since i loved animals so much. i gave her the same answer my parents gave me when i asked if i could study to become a vet, "no business in m'sia la,". but i look around and everywhere i go, i see veterinary clinics popping up like mushrooms... and mind you, they're doing great... just lacking the space to treat they're furry patients.
my personality would suit, according to the book, the work of a social worker, psychologist and all the people work you can imagine. i did want to be someone to do pro bono work in clinics and stuff and work with the befrienders... but again, i was discouraged from it. the reason why? my parents responded the same way they responded about veterinary science... i honestly wondered if i had dared to challenge their statement, would i be on the way to be a vet? would i be on the way to be a shrink?
all these possibilities that could have and would have really are bothering me now... i can't help but wonder, do my parents really know what's best for me? i hate to doubt them but then again, everything they've done has worked out fine for me... minus the a-levels. don't get me wrong! i love my course... it's interesting and stuff, but there's alot of memorising... something i'm not so good at :P
another thought that has been bugging me is "what if i were born into a family with less conservative thinking than mine?" i'm assuming that my folks are the same, but "cooler". in other words, they have let me make all my decisions, supported my every talent to allow it to grow, water my ambitions to help me be me. i remember when i was a little girl, i wanted to be like grandpa, painting pictures for a living. my parents sat me on their knee and said, "if you like painting, next time when you're a big girl, you paint. but for now, you have to study hard so you can do the things you like when you're big. painting will not earn you much. you better be a doctor or an engineer,"
i know my talents. i have a creative mind, capable of poetry, writing stories that captivate my teachers, painting sceneries... you get the idea... i also know that i can be the most emotional being in the world, feeling compassion (sometimes too much it's dangerous) for people and anything living. but then i also know my analytical mind would be restless. as of now, i feed both. my analytical mind prey's on my uni work, my creative mind is confined to the laptop i type on.
i no longer paint. my parents say it's a waste of time. i no longer compose poetry, i have no time. i no longer write short stories either. it's scary how much my priorities have shifted from what i had desired when i was younger. i remember seeing the "One Academy" brochure. how i longed to join the academy to be a proper artist. i was told not to due to the dodgey future i may end up having. not that biotech is that stable in the first place :P
ah well, it's a materialistic world we live in. all i want to do is return to simpler ages when people could have tabs that the grocer knows you'd pay. where i could just walk down the street without worrying someone would snatch my bag. where i could just walk in a street at night without thinking of bringing pepper spray. what has this world become? was i so sheltered that my childhood has shaped me to be such a romantic where even a small cottage would cost me so much money i'd have to pay through my nose?! sigh!
just the musings of a disgruntled woman child dying to dance barefoot in the rain...
Wednesday, February 01, 2006
Happpppie Chinese New Year!!!!
i know that this is already the third day of the new year already, so i'm so very sorry. so far, this new year has been so so for me. it's been kind to me on the money side... been able to harvest a large ang pau loot this year, and grandma has given me extra cash! bwahahaha! other than that, it's been rather hard on my relationships with my closest relatives.
it's odd how much things change when you age. when i was small, i used to love to hang around my grandpa. i still do. but i don't admire him that much anymore. i know this may seem or sound cruel, but the thing is i used to admire the way he used to stand up, there was this fear of him that i had. i was scared i wasn't good enough for him. i still have that fear, but this time, i have a slight dissapointment too. once upon a time, he was the one that out did my brother and i when we went travelling. he walked faster and longer than us, but now, he complains of even walking in the shopping complex. he tires so easily and gives up equally as fast.
i'm not saying that i don't love him because he's old, i'm just sad he doesn't believe in himself anymore. that self confidence he used to have shining isn't there anymore. but then again, it could be due to his parkinsons. my grandfather is an artist. i am, i think, the most proud grand daughter he has, of him. i would talk about him to everyone i know. but the sad thing is when a person's love is crippled, they seem to lose hope in themselves. i know this may be the reason why my grandfather is like this now.
my grandfather was a man that went everywhere carrying his sketch book, sketching pictures as he sat in a park, by the beach, on a hill, anywhere. then he'd go home and paint. my grandfather paints the traditional water colour paintings. his work has been displayed in museums and sold to art collectors. but he has a huge stash at home. till his hands were shaking to badly, he'd hold his brush and paint as many pictures as he could. it was fun standing by his side, watching silently as he painted his pictures, sometimes asking him what he was painting. other times, i just watched as his hands made a few strokes turn into a horse galloping right at me.
now, my grandfather is tired and frail. he walks around the house wheezing, sleeping away 12 hours each day. he doesn't eat much and constantly complains of phantom pains. he thinks his feet are swollen, making us check it. some of my aunts encourage him in a way by rubbing a not swollen foot, giving into his alleged pains. the man that i knew has been reduced to nothing but a frail man, sick due to his wife and children constantly calling my dad to tell him "this may be his last birthday and CNY," or " he's very sick, you better come back, this may be the last time you'll get to see him,". though they mean good, i don't believe them saying all this is helping his health.
grandfather used to love me alot. i was really close to him. until i moved to kl, i was in my heart, i honestly felt to be his favorite. he used to sit me on his knee and tell me stories. something that he has never done to the other grand daughters. that's why i believed he loved me best. then when i moved, i think things changed. i changed to adapt to life in the big city. i had to be equally as hard as the people here, equally as quick. and then i was different.
my grandfather stopped loving me as much after i didn't do as well for my PMR. his new favorite was my grandmother's favourite. i was hurt, but there's not much one can do. i have always been my own person. art was a passion not encouraged by my parents. i sketched, painted, all on paper, but i wasn't as good as grandfather. i had no one to guide me. and he wasn't willing to teach me, or any of my cousins, one of which was like me, in awe of him.
things got worse, i didn't do very well for SPM too, whereas my other cousin, managed to score straights. while i wore tights boot legs, she wore track bottoms. while i was out watching movies, she was in church with her friends. i can bear being compared but then obviously the hurt sets in. this CNY, that particular cousin wasn't there. grandmother was sad but she didn't say much, grandfather would not say much. he had not talked much to me at all.
other than sad memories and bitter thoughts, i had a wonderful time meeting new friends and old. catching up with cousins and sharing laughter, hugs and kisses. i'll miss s'wak, it's food, my family there. but no matter what, i hate to admit it though, kl is now my home. and you know what? it's good to be home.
i know that this is already the third day of the new year already, so i'm so very sorry. so far, this new year has been so so for me. it's been kind to me on the money side... been able to harvest a large ang pau loot this year, and grandma has given me extra cash! bwahahaha! other than that, it's been rather hard on my relationships with my closest relatives.
it's odd how much things change when you age. when i was small, i used to love to hang around my grandpa. i still do. but i don't admire him that much anymore. i know this may seem or sound cruel, but the thing is i used to admire the way he used to stand up, there was this fear of him that i had. i was scared i wasn't good enough for him. i still have that fear, but this time, i have a slight dissapointment too. once upon a time, he was the one that out did my brother and i when we went travelling. he walked faster and longer than us, but now, he complains of even walking in the shopping complex. he tires so easily and gives up equally as fast.
i'm not saying that i don't love him because he's old, i'm just sad he doesn't believe in himself anymore. that self confidence he used to have shining isn't there anymore. but then again, it could be due to his parkinsons. my grandfather is an artist. i am, i think, the most proud grand daughter he has, of him. i would talk about him to everyone i know. but the sad thing is when a person's love is crippled, they seem to lose hope in themselves. i know this may be the reason why my grandfather is like this now.
my grandfather was a man that went everywhere carrying his sketch book, sketching pictures as he sat in a park, by the beach, on a hill, anywhere. then he'd go home and paint. my grandfather paints the traditional water colour paintings. his work has been displayed in museums and sold to art collectors. but he has a huge stash at home. till his hands were shaking to badly, he'd hold his brush and paint as many pictures as he could. it was fun standing by his side, watching silently as he painted his pictures, sometimes asking him what he was painting. other times, i just watched as his hands made a few strokes turn into a horse galloping right at me.
now, my grandfather is tired and frail. he walks around the house wheezing, sleeping away 12 hours each day. he doesn't eat much and constantly complains of phantom pains. he thinks his feet are swollen, making us check it. some of my aunts encourage him in a way by rubbing a not swollen foot, giving into his alleged pains. the man that i knew has been reduced to nothing but a frail man, sick due to his wife and children constantly calling my dad to tell him "this may be his last birthday and CNY," or " he's very sick, you better come back, this may be the last time you'll get to see him,". though they mean good, i don't believe them saying all this is helping his health.
grandfather used to love me alot. i was really close to him. until i moved to kl, i was in my heart, i honestly felt to be his favorite. he used to sit me on his knee and tell me stories. something that he has never done to the other grand daughters. that's why i believed he loved me best. then when i moved, i think things changed. i changed to adapt to life in the big city. i had to be equally as hard as the people here, equally as quick. and then i was different.
my grandfather stopped loving me as much after i didn't do as well for my PMR. his new favorite was my grandmother's favourite. i was hurt, but there's not much one can do. i have always been my own person. art was a passion not encouraged by my parents. i sketched, painted, all on paper, but i wasn't as good as grandfather. i had no one to guide me. and he wasn't willing to teach me, or any of my cousins, one of which was like me, in awe of him.
things got worse, i didn't do very well for SPM too, whereas my other cousin, managed to score straights. while i wore tights boot legs, she wore track bottoms. while i was out watching movies, she was in church with her friends. i can bear being compared but then obviously the hurt sets in. this CNY, that particular cousin wasn't there. grandmother was sad but she didn't say much, grandfather would not say much. he had not talked much to me at all.
other than sad memories and bitter thoughts, i had a wonderful time meeting new friends and old. catching up with cousins and sharing laughter, hugs and kisses. i'll miss s'wak, it's food, my family there. but no matter what, i hate to admit it though, kl is now my home. and you know what? it's good to be home.
Wednesday, January 11, 2006
it is another boring day im uni. my fingers are freezing off and i think my toes are the next to go. i have a sniffle and i feel like i haven't slept in a year! what the hell is wrong with me?! the odd thing is that i slept like a baby last night. and today, as with yesterday, i feel so tired! and yet again, i have two assignments due next week, i would have honestly considered staying behind this weekend to finish off my work, but then the thing is that i have to go back for my haircut with mummy. unless of course that i get one by myself in subang later :P
i wonder whether it's normal then to be so tired all the time? hahah! maybe i'm just being a big pig :P well, at least i do try to avoid sleeping too much. after all, i have been stopping my naps for a while! yes, yes, this sounds like i'm desperately trying to defend myself, but who cares?! haha! some more tonight i have a "Party" to go to. my dear dear's pre-race party.
this is the first time i have heard of this function, cos nick didn't join this race last year. but then this is really a good experience lo. i mean like this would mean exposure for nick, whilst i'll be drinking in the beautiful cars! hahah! and maybe a few hotties! woohooo! *giggle!* ah well, i'm sure there'll be those hot "GT queens" in a sense of speaking. though some of them aren't very hot la :P
no, it's not the green-eyed monster speaking... it's the truth. i have to admit that the japanese ones, are the real deal. those girls are hoooot! no, i'm not bisexual either... at least i don't think so. i haven't been in the situation where i have been turned on by a lady la that's why. but i know a good looking lady when i see one!
i wonder whether it's normal then to be so tired all the time? hahah! maybe i'm just being a big pig :P well, at least i do try to avoid sleeping too much. after all, i have been stopping my naps for a while! yes, yes, this sounds like i'm desperately trying to defend myself, but who cares?! haha! some more tonight i have a "Party" to go to. my dear dear's pre-race party.
this is the first time i have heard of this function, cos nick didn't join this race last year. but then this is really a good experience lo. i mean like this would mean exposure for nick, whilst i'll be drinking in the beautiful cars! hahah! and maybe a few hotties! woohooo! *giggle!* ah well, i'm sure there'll be those hot "GT queens" in a sense of speaking. though some of them aren't very hot la :P
no, it's not the green-eyed monster speaking... it's the truth. i have to admit that the japanese ones, are the real deal. those girls are hoooot! no, i'm not bisexual either... at least i don't think so. i haven't been in the situation where i have been turned on by a lady la that's why. but i know a good looking lady when i see one!
Monday, January 09, 2006
skipped my lectures today to do my assignment due next week. i've been feeling so tired lately. with all the things on my mind, one of which is my assignments, then comes my best friend, then lastly, living up to expectations. so far i can truly say that i find true rest with my boyfriend, he seems to be just the right person to just sit down in silence with. no words, just us. though obviously we do talk. and we talk alot too! with him, i can be me.
lately life has been so mundane for me. not much excitement, just plain in out everyday trying to get work done, sleeping, eating. i barely know what excitement is! i look at those film where uni life is portrayed as a fun and enjoyable experience. it is when there is nothing to complete (assignments and projects) and plenty of time to hang out with friends. hahah! that's just wishful thinking.
the weekend was good though. had alot of fun with my brothers and actually went CNY shopping. bought two red tees and managed to get a nice pair of pants for my brother. but the shopping experience was exhausting. i know that as a girl, i should be enjoying trying on clothes, and what not la, but then when faced with the fashions of today, i actually cringe. somehow, everywhere i turn, there is an oddly designed, brightly coloured shirt that looks like it had been dipped in various neon paints and splattered with the same paints using a paint ball. eww? for me, it's just too "ah-lian".
ah well, back to my ridiculous assignment then! :P
lately life has been so mundane for me. not much excitement, just plain in out everyday trying to get work done, sleeping, eating. i barely know what excitement is! i look at those film where uni life is portrayed as a fun and enjoyable experience. it is when there is nothing to complete (assignments and projects) and plenty of time to hang out with friends. hahah! that's just wishful thinking.
the weekend was good though. had alot of fun with my brothers and actually went CNY shopping. bought two red tees and managed to get a nice pair of pants for my brother. but the shopping experience was exhausting. i know that as a girl, i should be enjoying trying on clothes, and what not la, but then when faced with the fashions of today, i actually cringe. somehow, everywhere i turn, there is an oddly designed, brightly coloured shirt that looks like it had been dipped in various neon paints and splattered with the same paints using a paint ball. eww? for me, it's just too "ah-lian".
ah well, back to my ridiculous assignment then! :P
Friday, January 06, 2006
it's raining all heaven is crying... maybe it is? ah well, is it the tears of joy or sadness... hard to say. if i were the Big Guy up there, i'd be pretty sad. this world is really going to the dogs... but then again, for some, it isn't.
why is it that love is usually the worst and best thing in the world? for many of us, we are disillusioned by the promise of happiness and joy when in fact, love can be a dark and scary place. in love manipulation, pain can occur. i on the other hand, am lucky to have found someone that would not do this to me. it is others that have done so, and that have done so to those i care for. just because one loves you, doesn't give you the right to use him/her. it isn't right!
there are those that use, due to loneliness. manipulation of the lover occurs and then when their needs have been fulfilled, they are left alone, without any reason or explaination. i'm lucky to never have faced it but then i have seen it happen. i have been caught in the middle of it all, i have been the one the patch up the wounds. why? because we, the friends, are the ones that catch our friends, craddle them in our arms when they need us, and finally, help them to grow again. but we will never be able to answer all the questions that they ask, we will won't be able to erase the scars left behind by the cruel manipulative heartless fiends.
i know that there are those that love with all their hearts, loyal to the end. thus is my relationship. i have so much confidence in him, knowing his little whims and habits. his happiness and pain, his funny little quirks, and he knows mine. he noticed the way i wrinkle my nose after i sneeze, he knows how i like to seperate my food on my plate, he notices when something is amiss. he truly loves. and i do too.
but my heart aches for the ones that ache because though they love like i do, their love does not respond that way. sigh! where is their heart? how does one manage to fool and play a fellow human around? do they not have any feelings? it's just not fucking fair! i know a close friend that faces this situation at the moment. i sorely wish that the stupid git that has left her hanging, would just call her and get over with it, she won't let go without him explaining why. why do such people exist?
once upon a time, i was in her shoes, but then our situations were different in that i had my heart stoney due to the pain as i walked away from the mess. mind you, the asshole didn't feel any remorse, but blamed me for being that bitch to walk out on him. both my friend and i have been the "wife" material. we are the type that wait up till 3-4 in the morning waiting for a call to ensure you're home alive and well. we give you your space but don't devoid you of affection. we are the kind of girls that you want to take home to meet your mum, no scandals too big, and yet not all pure until its just scary.
it due to this that guys like to manipulate us. i was so blessed to have someone like nick, but she hasn't fared as well as me. sigh... i do hope that life would be kinder to her...
why is it that love is usually the worst and best thing in the world? for many of us, we are disillusioned by the promise of happiness and joy when in fact, love can be a dark and scary place. in love manipulation, pain can occur. i on the other hand, am lucky to have found someone that would not do this to me. it is others that have done so, and that have done so to those i care for. just because one loves you, doesn't give you the right to use him/her. it isn't right!
there are those that use, due to loneliness. manipulation of the lover occurs and then when their needs have been fulfilled, they are left alone, without any reason or explaination. i'm lucky to never have faced it but then i have seen it happen. i have been caught in the middle of it all, i have been the one the patch up the wounds. why? because we, the friends, are the ones that catch our friends, craddle them in our arms when they need us, and finally, help them to grow again. but we will never be able to answer all the questions that they ask, we will won't be able to erase the scars left behind by the cruel manipulative heartless fiends.
i know that there are those that love with all their hearts, loyal to the end. thus is my relationship. i have so much confidence in him, knowing his little whims and habits. his happiness and pain, his funny little quirks, and he knows mine. he noticed the way i wrinkle my nose after i sneeze, he knows how i like to seperate my food on my plate, he notices when something is amiss. he truly loves. and i do too.
but my heart aches for the ones that ache because though they love like i do, their love does not respond that way. sigh! where is their heart? how does one manage to fool and play a fellow human around? do they not have any feelings? it's just not fucking fair! i know a close friend that faces this situation at the moment. i sorely wish that the stupid git that has left her hanging, would just call her and get over with it, she won't let go without him explaining why. why do such people exist?
once upon a time, i was in her shoes, but then our situations were different in that i had my heart stoney due to the pain as i walked away from the mess. mind you, the asshole didn't feel any remorse, but blamed me for being that bitch to walk out on him. both my friend and i have been the "wife" material. we are the type that wait up till 3-4 in the morning waiting for a call to ensure you're home alive and well. we give you your space but don't devoid you of affection. we are the kind of girls that you want to take home to meet your mum, no scandals too big, and yet not all pure until its just scary.
it due to this that guys like to manipulate us. i was so blessed to have someone like nick, but she hasn't fared as well as me. sigh... i do hope that life would be kinder to her...
Sunday, December 25, 2005
Happy Christmas and A Blessed New Year!!!
It's christmas! even so, i was reading the papers and busy thinking if it was really worth having so much fun when so many people across the globe are suffering. yes, i know, christmas isn't all about presents, wine and dine and all that. but then it seems to be coming hand in hand now... but just the thought of me celebrating Christmas isn't fun with the news i see in the papers. it seems unfair. shouldn't others have the chance to celebrate Christmas too? depite their denomination, their age, their culture and whatever walks of life they come from?
well, i was just thinking about the reaction my brother gave when he recieved his presents last night and i have to admit, i was kind of sad that he didn't seem grateful that he even had a present. he had gotten two books, one was "The Time Machine" and the other was the "Chronicles of Narnia". he seemed much happier openning the present his brother gave him, a pirate lego set. the worst thing is that after openning that, he asked to get the whole set. he's being a demanding kid.
i think maybe we have gotten our priorities all screwed up. i remember that when i was younger, anything i got, i took. i was happy for all the toys i got, for the books i found under the tree. i was a book worm, but then so is my brother. i don't expect him to be like me, happy for all the books in the world, treasuring each story i read, keeping my classics in divine condition. well, he still is a child. he's only 8 after all.
as today drags on, i'm realising that despite the huge hustle and bustle in the shopping malls and the big hoo haa about christmas, it is such a quiet christmas after all. for me, it's like any other day where i just hang out at home, just typing away on my keyboard and finish my assignments and tutorials. maybe christmas went by without me noticing. where has christmas gone to?
It's christmas! even so, i was reading the papers and busy thinking if it was really worth having so much fun when so many people across the globe are suffering. yes, i know, christmas isn't all about presents, wine and dine and all that. but then it seems to be coming hand in hand now... but just the thought of me celebrating Christmas isn't fun with the news i see in the papers. it seems unfair. shouldn't others have the chance to celebrate Christmas too? depite their denomination, their age, their culture and whatever walks of life they come from?
well, i was just thinking about the reaction my brother gave when he recieved his presents last night and i have to admit, i was kind of sad that he didn't seem grateful that he even had a present. he had gotten two books, one was "The Time Machine" and the other was the "Chronicles of Narnia". he seemed much happier openning the present his brother gave him, a pirate lego set. the worst thing is that after openning that, he asked to get the whole set. he's being a demanding kid.
i think maybe we have gotten our priorities all screwed up. i remember that when i was younger, anything i got, i took. i was happy for all the toys i got, for the books i found under the tree. i was a book worm, but then so is my brother. i don't expect him to be like me, happy for all the books in the world, treasuring each story i read, keeping my classics in divine condition. well, he still is a child. he's only 8 after all.
as today drags on, i'm realising that despite the huge hustle and bustle in the shopping malls and the big hoo haa about christmas, it is such a quiet christmas after all. for me, it's like any other day where i just hang out at home, just typing away on my keyboard and finish my assignments and tutorials. maybe christmas went by without me noticing. where has christmas gone to?
Monday, December 19, 2005
i'm in uni waiting for my class to begin in an hour. sigh! summer school is so so la... i don't expect it to be a bed of roses, but that's the impression i'm getting form just this short while doing a business course. it really is so very relaxing. comparitively to the sciences, it is very much relaxed. as i type, i see dozens of students filing in to use the computer in the computer labs. alot of them are like me, taking the summer course and are just passing the time here, waiting for either their tutorials to finish, or are just too full for lunch.
uni life has been given so much hype. from the films we watch, it looks as if that the life on campus is the life to die for. it isn't as much fun as it may seem to be. the students potrayed on the tv seem to show a bunch of junkies that party everyday, when in truth, those that aim to get more than just a pass, reallyl have no time at all to do anything but study and do assignments and reports. it's really a slap in the face when i watch those hollywood flicks with students running around to great parties and flowing alcohol, and then make it to the dean's list! i mean like that just not possible. as smart as a person may be, it is just not possible.
i see people lugging their bags and laptops around, slouching over the weight of their heavy bags. yes, this is the reality of uni life. we really are not as "happy-go-lucky" as it may seem. those of us that try to party like our american counterparts, fail our subjects miserably! why the hell are they lying to us about the life that uni could be? i really wish i was living a movie. then i'd have endless cash flow, pass all my grades, and drive a super cool sports car, have co-ed dorms... sigh! i know, i know, never in malaysia! not when we still have to abide to a law that catches couples holding hands in the park.
recently, my boyfriend showed me a clip about a police brutality incident right in front of the ASEAN summit venue, the famed twin towers. the reason for this outburst was a bunch of people campaigning for human rights. what's embarrassing is the fact that there was foreign media present. i watched how a simple unfurling of a banner turned into police dragging a poor girl down the steps of the KLCC cafe. i couldn't believe it actually, mainly because my uncle is a cop and i couldn't imagine him doing that. the police should not have reacted that way. really. what the hell were they thinking anyway?! there was foreign media there!!!!
can you imagine what the fuck people abroad must be thinking now?! they must be thinking that we're a bunch of barbarians that are trying to act civilised. and the worse thing is the china doll filming case. now, they say that she's a malay! i mean like what the fuck?!!?! since when has a malay girl have a button nose, pink rosey cheeks and is as fair as snow white?! i saw the video clips of the squats, i know chinese when i see chinese... why dammit i'm chinese! of course i'd know how the heck my race looks like. sigh! the worst thing is that we sent a minister to china to apologise. if they knew that the girl was a malay, why the heck did they send a minister abroad to apologise... no sense in that i tell you!
ah well, i better keep my thoughts offline if i want to continue living my days in malaysia as a free person. i know damn well that they'd probably catch me for excessively anti-malaysian blogs. i sure as hell don't want to be dragged bodily from my hostel room, kicking and screaming down the stairs by our police!
but before i go into hiding, here's a line for you to ponder over :
uni life has been given so much hype. from the films we watch, it looks as if that the life on campus is the life to die for. it isn't as much fun as it may seem to be. the students potrayed on the tv seem to show a bunch of junkies that party everyday, when in truth, those that aim to get more than just a pass, reallyl have no time at all to do anything but study and do assignments and reports. it's really a slap in the face when i watch those hollywood flicks with students running around to great parties and flowing alcohol, and then make it to the dean's list! i mean like that just not possible. as smart as a person may be, it is just not possible.
i see people lugging their bags and laptops around, slouching over the weight of their heavy bags. yes, this is the reality of uni life. we really are not as "happy-go-lucky" as it may seem. those of us that try to party like our american counterparts, fail our subjects miserably! why the hell are they lying to us about the life that uni could be? i really wish i was living a movie. then i'd have endless cash flow, pass all my grades, and drive a super cool sports car, have co-ed dorms... sigh! i know, i know, never in malaysia! not when we still have to abide to a law that catches couples holding hands in the park.
recently, my boyfriend showed me a clip about a police brutality incident right in front of the ASEAN summit venue, the famed twin towers. the reason for this outburst was a bunch of people campaigning for human rights. what's embarrassing is the fact that there was foreign media present. i watched how a simple unfurling of a banner turned into police dragging a poor girl down the steps of the KLCC cafe. i couldn't believe it actually, mainly because my uncle is a cop and i couldn't imagine him doing that. the police should not have reacted that way. really. what the hell were they thinking anyway?! there was foreign media there!!!!
can you imagine what the fuck people abroad must be thinking now?! they must be thinking that we're a bunch of barbarians that are trying to act civilised. and the worse thing is the china doll filming case. now, they say that she's a malay! i mean like what the fuck?!!?! since when has a malay girl have a button nose, pink rosey cheeks and is as fair as snow white?! i saw the video clips of the squats, i know chinese when i see chinese... why dammit i'm chinese! of course i'd know how the heck my race looks like. sigh! the worst thing is that we sent a minister to china to apologise. if they knew that the girl was a malay, why the heck did they send a minister abroad to apologise... no sense in that i tell you!
ah well, i better keep my thoughts offline if i want to continue living my days in malaysia as a free person. i know damn well that they'd probably catch me for excessively anti-malaysian blogs. i sure as hell don't want to be dragged bodily from my hostel room, kicking and screaming down the stairs by our police!
but before i go into hiding, here's a line for you to ponder over :
Polis Diraja Malaysia... atau Polis Raja di Malaysia?!
Saturday, December 10, 2005
mummy dear is going to bintulu later in the afternoon today... i'm being technical since as i type this, it is 2.15 am. so yeah... later today. sigh... so lucky. they can get to eat kolok mee. sigh! to be in sarawak again! but then again, i have other things to look forward to. UNI!!!! yay yay! ok, i sound insane, but if you're not working and spending everyday at home, well, uni sounds so appealing. so summer school is starting in a couple of days... so happy!
i am worried though... now that the summer school is beginning, i'm busy wondering where am i going to buy the text... :S i went to MPH to check it out... no stock. but the book is some 70 bucks. not bad la. expected about 90 - 200 bucks for all these books cos of the publisher being prentice hall. dad has a series of these business books in the cupboard so i have been rumaging through the books. nada too. sigh! looks like i may have to go UBS, U-text to find my books. even the uni library doesn't have it. i checked online. silly la...
ah well, uni come fast... then i'll be in the hostels again :) a happier person! hahah! nobody to bug me to sleep earlier... or to tell me not to sleep so much. can go pyramid to catch movies... weeee! i'm horrible...
i am worried though... now that the summer school is beginning, i'm busy wondering where am i going to buy the text... :S i went to MPH to check it out... no stock. but the book is some 70 bucks. not bad la. expected about 90 - 200 bucks for all these books cos of the publisher being prentice hall. dad has a series of these business books in the cupboard so i have been rumaging through the books. nada too. sigh! looks like i may have to go UBS, U-text to find my books. even the uni library doesn't have it. i checked online. silly la...
ah well, uni come fast... then i'll be in the hostels again :) a happier person! hahah! nobody to bug me to sleep earlier... or to tell me not to sleep so much. can go pyramid to catch movies... weeee! i'm horrible...
Wednesday, December 07, 2005
what does it take to be a good person? hmm... one thing i know is that the terrible people that filmed that poor china girl in the police station should be in jail. yes, i'm talking about the horrible hooha there was about the poor lass in the station made to do squats. i can imagine how degrading it was for her to be caught, in the first place, and worse would be when she was made to strip and do squats! and the most insulting thing to me is that the girl was aware of the person filming her. it was obvious from her look at the camera, in those short minutes, it was a look of defiance. a look that said, "film me all you want. karma will catch up on you!"
what the heck was that police woman thinking?! she was standing there, in the view of the camera. i'm sure she has been identified now. luckily the ministers were notified about this. i'm sure if this were to be notified to the police inspector of any random station, they'd probably be wanking off to the clip... fucking perverts. sadly to say, as a malaysian, i'm really ashamed by our police force. the countless times i've heard from my friends that have been stopped by the coppers, have managed to get away from speeding offences and red light jumps by paying "coffee money".
my friends once went clubbing at Soda in desa hartamas, the same night there was that awful raid, luckily i wasn't there... well, anways, a couple of my friends were caught by the cops for apparent use of drugs... my first thought was, "shit, what if it were nick?!" the second thought was "but those dudes dn't do drugs!". i know most people would be thinking, hell, what do you know what your friends do behind closed doors. i do know for one, these dudes won't.
so anyways, since these very unfortunate souls were "taking drugs", the coppers threw them in a truck to take them to pudu. mind you, my friends who went with them, followed the "detainees" in their own cars. one of my friends then called the uncle of one of the detained. this uncle immediately came over ot ensure his nephew was fine. now, throughout this entire ordeal, from the arrest to the release, my friends were in relatively good condition unlike the discriptions given by other detainees. reason why? this uncle managed to pay off the coppers. what the fuck!? i was reading the descriptions of those not so fortunate to have an uncle to pay the coppers off, i was really appalled...
as for my friends, the hospital said their urine was clean. ok. lucky for them they got out. seriously, i really wonder whether the coppers had purposely tainted some of the cups used to sample the urine just to get a certain "quota"... if that's the case, something i don't doubt, they're real assholes. as a science student, i do know that the use of a simple paper chromatograph is bullshit. this method of testing is so prone to errors! i mean like contaminants could be in the urine, such as meds for flu, fever, and all sorts of things. the chemical properties of these tablets contain similar substances as with your everyday junkie's cocktail. i mean like the chemical world is so very dodgy! you can't use simple paper tests to tell if a person is a druggie or not! it takes more than that!
i hope that the people who filmed that poor girl get caught, put on trial, for all to see... have a televised trial... i wanna see the fucking perverts that did this. as a woman, i feel so offended on her behalf. i also hope that those assholes that are behind the raids, tainting the urine samples to collect enough to fill the "quota" get hunted down and arrested. seriously. i really hope something happens to make malaysia a really better, non-corrupted country. sick and tired of these corrupted bastards...
what the heck was that police woman thinking?! she was standing there, in the view of the camera. i'm sure she has been identified now. luckily the ministers were notified about this. i'm sure if this were to be notified to the police inspector of any random station, they'd probably be wanking off to the clip... fucking perverts. sadly to say, as a malaysian, i'm really ashamed by our police force. the countless times i've heard from my friends that have been stopped by the coppers, have managed to get away from speeding offences and red light jumps by paying "coffee money".
my friends once went clubbing at Soda in desa hartamas, the same night there was that awful raid, luckily i wasn't there... well, anways, a couple of my friends were caught by the cops for apparent use of drugs... my first thought was, "shit, what if it were nick?!" the second thought was "but those dudes dn't do drugs!". i know most people would be thinking, hell, what do you know what your friends do behind closed doors. i do know for one, these dudes won't.
so anyways, since these very unfortunate souls were "taking drugs", the coppers threw them in a truck to take them to pudu. mind you, my friends who went with them, followed the "detainees" in their own cars. one of my friends then called the uncle of one of the detained. this uncle immediately came over ot ensure his nephew was fine. now, throughout this entire ordeal, from the arrest to the release, my friends were in relatively good condition unlike the discriptions given by other detainees. reason why? this uncle managed to pay off the coppers. what the fuck!? i was reading the descriptions of those not so fortunate to have an uncle to pay the coppers off, i was really appalled...
as for my friends, the hospital said their urine was clean. ok. lucky for them they got out. seriously, i really wonder whether the coppers had purposely tainted some of the cups used to sample the urine just to get a certain "quota"... if that's the case, something i don't doubt, they're real assholes. as a science student, i do know that the use of a simple paper chromatograph is bullshit. this method of testing is so prone to errors! i mean like contaminants could be in the urine, such as meds for flu, fever, and all sorts of things. the chemical properties of these tablets contain similar substances as with your everyday junkie's cocktail. i mean like the chemical world is so very dodgy! you can't use simple paper tests to tell if a person is a druggie or not! it takes more than that!
i hope that the people who filmed that poor girl get caught, put on trial, for all to see... have a televised trial... i wanna see the fucking perverts that did this. as a woman, i feel so offended on her behalf. i also hope that those assholes that are behind the raids, tainting the urine samples to collect enough to fill the "quota" get hunted down and arrested. seriously. i really hope something happens to make malaysia a really better, non-corrupted country. sick and tired of these corrupted bastards...
Tuesday, December 06, 2005
Sick! i'm so very sick!
i'm having a horrible cough. the cough drops that the doctor gave are only effective for a while. sigh! my darling mummy is having a fever too. damn these stupid viruses. why the heck do they stay around in the body for so long?! sheesh! if i remember right, viruses usually last for only about a week sure as hell hope that the virus leaves soon enough. my summer school course is starting soon! anyways, christmas is coming around the corner... and i still haven't thought of what to buy for all my loved ones...
well, for the littlest brother, it'll be easy. he's such a baby, even if i bought him a toy sword he'd be happy... ok, maybe not. but then i think i'll get him something along the lines of harry potter. the kid is fanatical about harry potter. well, it's a good book for a kid with tonnes of imagination! for my folks, should i get them a combo? hmm... even if i do, what should i get? i doubt that my folks would find a "his and hers" set useful... i think they've passed the phase where giving a "his and hers" set was all so cute! haha! but then again...
the biggest headche for me now is what to get for my dear and des, my 17 year old bro. both like gadgets, which i am too poor to afford. so how? sigh! i think for my dear, i'll be able to give him something nice :) i have a few things planned... but being the impatient rogue he is, he'd probably be coming to read this post and find out before hand... so, hahah! serves you right babe! i ain't giving you any hints on what i'm going to be getting for you! bwahahah! choke choke! hahah!
aside from these little things in my head, i'm busy wondering what the heck am i going to be studying when summer school starts... i know the subjects, just that i'm not so sure just exactly what i'm going to be reading... kinda scary going into class not knowing what i'm going to be doing :S mental note to take all the notes in the uni and print them out when i shift back to the hostels...
ah well, i'll stop at this. today really has been uneventful so it's pretty boring :S...
i'm having a horrible cough. the cough drops that the doctor gave are only effective for a while. sigh! my darling mummy is having a fever too. damn these stupid viruses. why the heck do they stay around in the body for so long?! sheesh! if i remember right, viruses usually last for only about a week sure as hell hope that the virus leaves soon enough. my summer school course is starting soon! anyways, christmas is coming around the corner... and i still haven't thought of what to buy for all my loved ones...
well, for the littlest brother, it'll be easy. he's such a baby, even if i bought him a toy sword he'd be happy... ok, maybe not. but then i think i'll get him something along the lines of harry potter. the kid is fanatical about harry potter. well, it's a good book for a kid with tonnes of imagination! for my folks, should i get them a combo? hmm... even if i do, what should i get? i doubt that my folks would find a "his and hers" set useful... i think they've passed the phase where giving a "his and hers" set was all so cute! haha! but then again...
the biggest headche for me now is what to get for my dear and des, my 17 year old bro. both like gadgets, which i am too poor to afford. so how? sigh! i think for my dear, i'll be able to give him something nice :) i have a few things planned... but being the impatient rogue he is, he'd probably be coming to read this post and find out before hand... so, hahah! serves you right babe! i ain't giving you any hints on what i'm going to be getting for you! bwahahah! choke choke! hahah!
aside from these little things in my head, i'm busy wondering what the heck am i going to be studying when summer school starts... i know the subjects, just that i'm not so sure just exactly what i'm going to be reading... kinda scary going into class not knowing what i'm going to be doing :S mental note to take all the notes in the uni and print them out when i shift back to the hostels...
ah well, i'll stop at this. today really has been uneventful so it's pretty boring :S...
Monday, December 05, 2005
this will be my first official post in this blog. the earlier one was just something to let my friends from friendster, who were kind enough to leave me a note in friendsterblog, that i appreciate them viewing my blogs :). anyways, the only reason why i had to resolve to switching to this blog is that the friendster blog i could not be viewed by my friends. it showed a blank page... so i thought that i'd turn to something much more reliable.
just finished talking to my dear dear... he's just signed off msn. he's got work tomorrow and i'll be lying in bed snoring when he's going out to earn his bread :P. well, i'll be waking up early next week too! when summer school starts of course. but really, sitting at home doing nothing is really boring. well, might not be tomorrow. mum just got sick... so super mum isn't so super after all? poor mummy...
i'll be her official paper girl tomorrow and till she goes to bintulu to visit my grandparents. so, i'll take oppurtunity to look around the plaza and maybe buy bread!!! yum yum mediya bread... heheh! so sue me! i'm a fucking pig... so?! maybe if i'm lucky, Zenith does air conditioning for the plaza... then i can go there and see my dear dear! bwahahah! ok, that was so retarded.
shit, have to cut my fingernails already. i'm one of those girls that do leave my fingernails to grow, but i can't take it wen they grow longer than half a cm from the flesh... reason? the stupid clicking sound i hear whenever i type. and i type alot cos i'm forever chatting online or just simply typing random shit on my trusty laptop. oh, i decided not to send it to the comp doc... it's being a good lappie, so i'll leave it be. :)
i had a nice talk with my old friend, my darling memeg... haha! ok, she's not called memeg, she's meg. have't talked to her in a while. i so suck at keeping in touch. it's amazing at how much people change, and yet don't change in a short period of 5 months. she's changed pysically, just slimmer and her hair's sooo much longer. she's not changed in the fact that she's still my darling best friend though... hahah! we can talk about everything!!
funny how friends come and go? i find it kinda sad. i really would like to have all the friends i had a long time ago still be calling me up and me being able to do so too. i do wonder, what the heck happened to those kids i used to play with when i stayed in oman. those were really good times. i'd give anything to go back to oman and look around. but then, i'd give anything to change somethings in my past. things that i regret and mend broken friendships, avoid certain realtionships.
one thing i wouldn't change would be the choices i made to take my chance on nick. he's the best decision i made. i have never for once regretted being with nick. i still feel bad about not being able to be with him right now. each night, he asks me the same question, "when can i see you?" and he never forgets to tell me he loves me. i'd be the greatest fool to let him out of my grasp! i sure as hell hope that nothing in our relationship changes... if any changes should occur, i hope it's that he loves me more.
*update on my flu... my voice is worse today... and my youngest brother sounds so cute! only cos he lost his voice :P hahah! he sounds like a little baby... unable to scream, and shout, he talks so softly, i just wanna hug him so tight and tuck him into bed... just might do that tomorrow... :P and maybe buy him ice cream to ease the throat... poor kid...
just finished talking to my dear dear... he's just signed off msn. he's got work tomorrow and i'll be lying in bed snoring when he's going out to earn his bread :P. well, i'll be waking up early next week too! when summer school starts of course. but really, sitting at home doing nothing is really boring. well, might not be tomorrow. mum just got sick... so super mum isn't so super after all? poor mummy...
i'll be her official paper girl tomorrow and till she goes to bintulu to visit my grandparents. so, i'll take oppurtunity to look around the plaza and maybe buy bread!!! yum yum mediya bread... heheh! so sue me! i'm a fucking pig... so?! maybe if i'm lucky, Zenith does air conditioning for the plaza... then i can go there and see my dear dear! bwahahah! ok, that was so retarded.
shit, have to cut my fingernails already. i'm one of those girls that do leave my fingernails to grow, but i can't take it wen they grow longer than half a cm from the flesh... reason? the stupid clicking sound i hear whenever i type. and i type alot cos i'm forever chatting online or just simply typing random shit on my trusty laptop. oh, i decided not to send it to the comp doc... it's being a good lappie, so i'll leave it be. :)
i had a nice talk with my old friend, my darling memeg... haha! ok, she's not called memeg, she's meg. have't talked to her in a while. i so suck at keeping in touch. it's amazing at how much people change, and yet don't change in a short period of 5 months. she's changed pysically, just slimmer and her hair's sooo much longer. she's not changed in the fact that she's still my darling best friend though... hahah! we can talk about everything!!
funny how friends come and go? i find it kinda sad. i really would like to have all the friends i had a long time ago still be calling me up and me being able to do so too. i do wonder, what the heck happened to those kids i used to play with when i stayed in oman. those were really good times. i'd give anything to go back to oman and look around. but then, i'd give anything to change somethings in my past. things that i regret and mend broken friendships, avoid certain realtionships.
one thing i wouldn't change would be the choices i made to take my chance on nick. he's the best decision i made. i have never for once regretted being with nick. i still feel bad about not being able to be with him right now. each night, he asks me the same question, "when can i see you?" and he never forgets to tell me he loves me. i'd be the greatest fool to let him out of my grasp! i sure as hell hope that nothing in our relationship changes... if any changes should occur, i hope it's that he loves me more.
*update on my flu... my voice is worse today... and my youngest brother sounds so cute! only cos he lost his voice :P hahah! he sounds like a little baby... unable to scream, and shout, he talks so softly, i just wanna hug him so tight and tuck him into bed... just might do that tomorrow... :P and maybe buy him ice cream to ease the throat... poor kid...
*ok, this blog is due to my friendster blog not working... so those who had posted earlier, in the friendster one, i didn't forget you! love you guys :)
wow! comments?!
haha! wow! actually i'm kinda shocked people were reading :P... but anyways, thanx! comment more :P... i'm a sucker for comments. hahah! well, today went to see the doc. woke up at about 7 something, couldn't sleep till 5... and the reason why? i got a damned flu virus my stupid brother. this dumb brother of mine, has been sick for a couple of weeks. so anyways, his daily routine is this;
1. wake up, go to college
2. come home, hug his zhe zhe and complain he's sick
3. breathes into his sister's face when she warns him she'll kick
4. lies in MY bed for his nap, cos it's always much more neater than his bed
5. wake up, whines and moans to mum
ok, mind you, throughout this time, he REFUSES to see the doc. at first it was fine, as with me. cos i have relatively good resistance compared to the idiot. then he got worse, no voice and coughing like an ass he is, then the virus blew itself all over the house. so now? the whole family is suffering from an unbearable cough and flu.
hah! this is the catch. we, the whole freaking family, went to see the doc today... man tonight he's surely going to makan big big lo! imagine, four of us (mummy is super mum, she din get sick) filing in. doc graded us by the severity of the flu... i got away without anitbiotics!!! woo hoo! yeah baby! hahaha! but yeah, i had the mildest form compared to my brothers, and my dad. the doc had this freaking huge smile when i came in (i was last). bet his little mind was running with $$$$$... bleah
so yeah, all four of us got the same dosage of medication, me and dad no antibiotics, and four bottles of cough syrup... they're fucking wasting man! imagine, the cough syrup, four freaking bottles! i mean like i sure as hell can't finish one bottle, neither can my youngest bro, he has smaller doses if i'm not mistaken. but like what the hell?! four bottles of cough syrup. i bet only one bottle might finish. this is so stupid...
then we went to church. ok, i pride myself in singing in church, no i don't sing in the choir, but i love to sing in church. today, no. i was croaking like a freaking frog! really... it was like listening to an aresenal of frogs croaking in unison! i was trying so hard to keep my voice from wavering from the hoarse crap it was to a screech... sorry God, today was a bad day, if i shattered any windows in heaven, i'm really sorry. i was busy cringing everytime my voice went from hoarse to screech. i bet the girl standing next to me must have had her hair standing on end! so finally, after several bad attempts, i decided to call the singing quits... i'm sure if i had gone for some idol competition, i'd exit crying!
after church, my body was screaming at me for not sleeping... (2 hours of sleep, i remind you). my folks, as if caught on the x mas shopping bug, went to 1 u... i spent half an hour sitting in MPH reading sin city as my brothers were reading some silly comics. i was busy trying to make sure none of the little kids around me would see the lewd pics in the comic and making sure my youngest bro didn't catch a glimpse of the art too... good book. might go back and buy it. but really, adult material ok? kids, strictly NC17.
ok, here's a question. why the heck are the books like harry potter and narnia so freaking expensive?! the price range is from 60 -160... and people who have been writing books since kingdom come, can only sell their books for 5 - 60 bucks. mind you, i'm talking hard cover. i was browsing through the classics and my heart nearly dropped out of my mouth. there, sitting in a shining corner were the full and complete omnibus of the works of the bronte sisters... i was going to worship the kind people who printed it. so with all the reverence i could muster, repressing a cough and trying to wipe the thought of unwrapping it from my mind, i gingerly turned the book to check the price... that's when i died and went to heaven... ok i didn't
the book, hard cover, about 2-3 inches thick was only RM69... it was only RM69 and harry potter, just a paper back was some freaking RM80!!! what the fuck is wrong here people?! we're talking classics! the beauty of literature at it's finest! the beauty and morbidity of life thrown i beautiful language, only RM69!!! and that is in hard back when a flimsy paperback about some stupid wizard is RM80!!!!
ok, i admit, harry potter is engaging, but the bronte sisters were tragic! their lives were tragic, their books were so filled with REAL LIFE, REAL troubles, REAL feelings... what the hell... i'm too distressed to think, and dying to shower :S... so i'll leave you guys to think about it... sigh!
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Untitled
hate my life sometimes. can't fucking sleep. having the worst diarrhoea i've had in a while. has been a couple of days already... nothing's right... fuck this all...
Comments
Andrew
Wee hee...I'm first to comment =P
Your blog is very crude indeed, so many F words... but it's your blog, I can see that you're really letting out your feelings here... And that was the thing that made me read the whole bloody long first entry... haha
Hope u're ok, girl..drink more 100plus to keep yourself hydrated. Life sucks, but if it's smooth sailing, you ain't gonna be as strong as you are now ya know.
Take care!
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First Blog here
*for people that simple cannot stand harsh and crude language, it's time to turn around and walk away... :P*
this would have to be the first proper attempt at blogging. only catch is that most blogs are available for the whole world to view. well, i'm fine with this la. i'll try to be my trully brutal and crude self here. so on days that i really have a fucked up day, forgive the language. i'm really not what most people think i am. the all bouncy facade i have is something i have to hide behind. i'm really a moody person, swinging from mood to mood. catch me when i really have the worst mood, beware, i will have no mercy. i think the only few people that truly have been pitiful enough to have encountered me when my panties are up in a bunch is my brothers, my dear, and poor poor derek :P... sorry man! hahah!
today is a so so day. i have swung from my all time low to my regular self. not super happy hyper me, but the me i am at home. i brood and ponder. i sit alone like a freakish hermit in my room, coming out to breath from my shell... ok, i'm over-doing it! but yeah, life has been that way the past few weeks. i eat, sleep, read, game in this room. my loyal lappie will be seeing the doctor on monday... poor lappie has a screen problem.
well, i'm using it now though. it's being good after me and my bro whacked it around a little. i think the cable from the moniter to the lappie itself is lose. fuck la. if it isn't, blody hell, i'll have replace the moniter, making me desperately hoping its just the connection!this lappie has served me through this past two years with the loyalty a dog has to its master... it's my baby mer! i can't imagine it not with me when uni starts.
just sitting here listening to the songs playing on my playlist has really got me thinking quite some. i sometimes wonder, why does my boyfriend put up with the shit i give him? i'm a paranoid little bitch, i have this tendency to look over my shoulder to see if someone my parents know is watching us walking around in a mall. it's time like those, he sometimes finds it frustrating. all he wants to do is hold me close, and i'm already freaking out that some asshole who's too free might be following us to have a closer look at me, then run off in a jiffy to tell my daddy dear, that his little girl is holding a guy's hands. sigh.
then when i feel like the time is fine, like when we're by the stairwell, i feel less threatened, i be myself... sounds so scandalous, but it's not you gossip hungry assholes. when couples are all hugging and snogging for all to see, which i once dared to do, i feel jealous that i have no more courage to do that. i just want to have that freedom to hug him, show him i care. dammit! why am i so paranoid? i'll tell you why. the little freedom i get in tiny doses this hols, is the only time i get to touch and hold my dear. i don't want the only way i can see him ripped from me.
reason why i think this way? i'm daddy's little girl. no guy is ever going to be good enough for daddy dear. nick is already considered the best i've managed to snag. i was lucky to even have him in the first place. things that brought us together is fate i guess, cos the time i met him again, after a seriously fucking long time, was the time i was nuts about him, and dating another dude. let's just put it this way, the other dude was a SERIOUSLY bad choice... i think the worst. if my other ex is reading this, yes, darren, you were better than him in lots of ways... i was really immature then :P...
well, anyways, i'm not gonna boast about my little thing of snagging nick... wasn't a planned thing mind you, it kinda fell in place. i'm talking about being daddy's little girl. unlike most of the "daddy's little girl" stereotypes, i'm far from the "daddy! i want..." and i will get type. i'm the "my daughter is not to date anyone till she's 30" category... ok, not 30, i'm sure he thought about grandkids when he set the age to 26 :S... yes, dudes and dudettes, daddy dear doesn't want me in close proximity with the opposite sex till 26. :S
well, my poor dear has to deal with talking to me online only. which he finds rather excruciating considering that he is so used to seeing me nearly everyday. uni has a blessing that we spend the days together, attending each other's lectures, sitting with each other at lunches. i swear, people would start saying stuff like we're attached to the hip or some shit. honestly, i couldn't give a shit what they think. i like being with him. he's funny, sweet, and he really cares about me. i try being the best girlfriend to him. he deserves it.
maybe i should just postpone the lappie diagnosis so i can talk to my dear? sigh. hate this. my lappie being so naughty. actually, just my lappie's moniter. aside from that, my lappie is a beautifully purring piece of work. it's working perfect! just that offensive screen... sigh! wish i could fix it myself... who's the wonderful computer geek that would help this stupid girl?! just so you guys know, my screen has these lines that jump up and down sometimes, and on bad days, it's the whole screen... all random lines... sucks...
ah well, time i go to bed... have church at 8... hopefully God forgives me for being the awful pain in His butt... being the rebel and all (in my dad's context)... nighty night people who are free enough to read this! :P God bless!
Jack
compaq laps kinda sux right? haha... cant play most new games d... long blog.
26? wow...
on just being able to meet nick online... at least u can see him in a few months... mine away 2 yrs... haih... haha
cheers,
Ki
wow! comments?!
haha! wow! actually i'm kinda shocked people were reading :P... but anyways, thanx! comment more :P... i'm a sucker for comments. hahah! well, today went to see the doc. woke up at about 7 something, couldn't sleep till 5... and the reason why? i got a damned flu virus my stupid brother. this dumb brother of mine, has been sick for a couple of weeks. so anyways, his daily routine is this;
1. wake up, go to college
2. come home, hug his zhe zhe and complain he's sick
3. breathes into his sister's face when she warns him she'll kick
4. lies in MY bed for his nap, cos it's always much more neater than his bed
5. wake up, whines and moans to mum
ok, mind you, throughout this time, he REFUSES to see the doc. at first it was fine, as with me. cos i have relatively good resistance compared to the idiot. then he got worse, no voice and coughing like an ass he is, then the virus blew itself all over the house. so now? the whole family is suffering from an unbearable cough and flu.
hah! this is the catch. we, the whole freaking family, went to see the doc today... man tonight he's surely going to makan big big lo! imagine, four of us (mummy is super mum, she din get sick) filing in. doc graded us by the severity of the flu... i got away without anitbiotics!!! woo hoo! yeah baby! hahaha! but yeah, i had the mildest form compared to my brothers, and my dad. the doc had this freaking huge smile when i came in (i was last). bet his little mind was running with $$$$$... bleah
so yeah, all four of us got the same dosage of medication, me and dad no antibiotics, and four bottles of cough syrup... they're fucking wasting man! imagine, the cough syrup, four freaking bottles! i mean like i sure as hell can't finish one bottle, neither can my youngest bro, he has smaller doses if i'm not mistaken. but like what the hell?! four bottles of cough syrup. i bet only one bottle might finish. this is so stupid...
then we went to church. ok, i pride myself in singing in church, no i don't sing in the choir, but i love to sing in church. today, no. i was croaking like a freaking frog! really... it was like listening to an aresenal of frogs croaking in unison! i was trying so hard to keep my voice from wavering from the hoarse crap it was to a screech... sorry God, today was a bad day, if i shattered any windows in heaven, i'm really sorry. i was busy cringing everytime my voice went from hoarse to screech. i bet the girl standing next to me must have had her hair standing on end! so finally, after several bad attempts, i decided to call the singing quits... i'm sure if i had gone for some idol competition, i'd exit crying!
after church, my body was screaming at me for not sleeping... (2 hours of sleep, i remind you). my folks, as if caught on the x mas shopping bug, went to 1 u... i spent half an hour sitting in MPH reading sin city as my brothers were reading some silly comics. i was busy trying to make sure none of the little kids around me would see the lewd pics in the comic and making sure my youngest bro didn't catch a glimpse of the art too... good book. might go back and buy it. but really, adult material ok? kids, strictly NC17.
ok, here's a question. why the heck are the books like harry potter and narnia so freaking expensive?! the price range is from 60 -160... and people who have been writing books since kingdom come, can only sell their books for 5 - 60 bucks. mind you, i'm talking hard cover. i was browsing through the classics and my heart nearly dropped out of my mouth. there, sitting in a shining corner were the full and complete omnibus of the works of the bronte sisters... i was going to worship the kind people who printed it. so with all the reverence i could muster, repressing a cough and trying to wipe the thought of unwrapping it from my mind, i gingerly turned the book to check the price... that's when i died and went to heaven... ok i didn't
the book, hard cover, about 2-3 inches thick was only RM69... it was only RM69 and harry potter, just a paper back was some freaking RM80!!! what the fuck is wrong here people?! we're talking classics! the beauty of literature at it's finest! the beauty and morbidity of life thrown i beautiful language, only RM69!!! and that is in hard back when a flimsy paperback about some stupid wizard is RM80!!!!
ok, i admit, harry potter is engaging, but the bronte sisters were tragic! their lives were tragic, their books were so filled with REAL LIFE, REAL troubles, REAL feelings... what the hell... i'm too distressed to think, and dying to shower :S... so i'll leave you guys to think about it... sigh!
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Untitled
hate my life sometimes. can't fucking sleep. having the worst diarrhoea i've had in a while. has been a couple of days already... nothing's right... fuck this all...
Comments
Andrew
Wee hee...I'm first to comment =P
Your blog is very crude indeed, so many F words... but it's your blog, I can see that you're really letting out your feelings here... And that was the thing that made me read the whole bloody long first entry... haha
Hope u're ok, girl..drink more 100plus to keep yourself hydrated. Life sucks, but if it's smooth sailing, you ain't gonna be as strong as you are now ya know.
Take care!
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First Blog here
*for people that simple cannot stand harsh and crude language, it's time to turn around and walk away... :P*
this would have to be the first proper attempt at blogging. only catch is that most blogs are available for the whole world to view. well, i'm fine with this la. i'll try to be my trully brutal and crude self here. so on days that i really have a fucked up day, forgive the language. i'm really not what most people think i am. the all bouncy facade i have is something i have to hide behind. i'm really a moody person, swinging from mood to mood. catch me when i really have the worst mood, beware, i will have no mercy. i think the only few people that truly have been pitiful enough to have encountered me when my panties are up in a bunch is my brothers, my dear, and poor poor derek :P... sorry man! hahah!
today is a so so day. i have swung from my all time low to my regular self. not super happy hyper me, but the me i am at home. i brood and ponder. i sit alone like a freakish hermit in my room, coming out to breath from my shell... ok, i'm over-doing it! but yeah, life has been that way the past few weeks. i eat, sleep, read, game in this room. my loyal lappie will be seeing the doctor on monday... poor lappie has a screen problem.
well, i'm using it now though. it's being good after me and my bro whacked it around a little. i think the cable from the moniter to the lappie itself is lose. fuck la. if it isn't, blody hell, i'll have replace the moniter, making me desperately hoping its just the connection!this lappie has served me through this past two years with the loyalty a dog has to its master... it's my baby mer! i can't imagine it not with me when uni starts.
just sitting here listening to the songs playing on my playlist has really got me thinking quite some. i sometimes wonder, why does my boyfriend put up with the shit i give him? i'm a paranoid little bitch, i have this tendency to look over my shoulder to see if someone my parents know is watching us walking around in a mall. it's time like those, he sometimes finds it frustrating. all he wants to do is hold me close, and i'm already freaking out that some asshole who's too free might be following us to have a closer look at me, then run off in a jiffy to tell my daddy dear, that his little girl is holding a guy's hands. sigh.
then when i feel like the time is fine, like when we're by the stairwell, i feel less threatened, i be myself... sounds so scandalous, but it's not you gossip hungry assholes. when couples are all hugging and snogging for all to see, which i once dared to do, i feel jealous that i have no more courage to do that. i just want to have that freedom to hug him, show him i care. dammit! why am i so paranoid? i'll tell you why. the little freedom i get in tiny doses this hols, is the only time i get to touch and hold my dear. i don't want the only way i can see him ripped from me.
reason why i think this way? i'm daddy's little girl. no guy is ever going to be good enough for daddy dear. nick is already considered the best i've managed to snag. i was lucky to even have him in the first place. things that brought us together is fate i guess, cos the time i met him again, after a seriously fucking long time, was the time i was nuts about him, and dating another dude. let's just put it this way, the other dude was a SERIOUSLY bad choice... i think the worst. if my other ex is reading this, yes, darren, you were better than him in lots of ways... i was really immature then :P...
well, anyways, i'm not gonna boast about my little thing of snagging nick... wasn't a planned thing mind you, it kinda fell in place. i'm talking about being daddy's little girl. unlike most of the "daddy's little girl" stereotypes, i'm far from the "daddy! i want..." and i will get type. i'm the "my daughter is not to date anyone till she's 30" category... ok, not 30, i'm sure he thought about grandkids when he set the age to 26 :S... yes, dudes and dudettes, daddy dear doesn't want me in close proximity with the opposite sex till 26. :S
well, my poor dear has to deal with talking to me online only. which he finds rather excruciating considering that he is so used to seeing me nearly everyday. uni has a blessing that we spend the days together, attending each other's lectures, sitting with each other at lunches. i swear, people would start saying stuff like we're attached to the hip or some shit. honestly, i couldn't give a shit what they think. i like being with him. he's funny, sweet, and he really cares about me. i try being the best girlfriend to him. he deserves it.
maybe i should just postpone the lappie diagnosis so i can talk to my dear? sigh. hate this. my lappie being so naughty. actually, just my lappie's moniter. aside from that, my lappie is a beautifully purring piece of work. it's working perfect! just that offensive screen... sigh! wish i could fix it myself... who's the wonderful computer geek that would help this stupid girl?! just so you guys know, my screen has these lines that jump up and down sometimes, and on bad days, it's the whole screen... all random lines... sucks...
ah well, time i go to bed... have church at 8... hopefully God forgives me for being the awful pain in His butt... being the rebel and all (in my dad's context)... nighty night people who are free enough to read this! :P God bless!
Jack
compaq laps kinda sux right? haha... cant play most new games d... long blog.
26? wow...
on just being able to meet nick online... at least u can see him in a few months... mine away 2 yrs... haih... haha
cheers,
Ki
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