Sunday, December 25, 2005

Happy Christmas and A Blessed New Year!!!

It's christmas! even so, i was reading the papers and busy thinking if it was really worth having so much fun when so many people across the globe are suffering. yes, i know, christmas isn't all about presents, wine and dine and all that. but then it seems to be coming hand in hand now... but just the thought of me celebrating Christmas isn't fun with the news i see in the papers. it seems unfair. shouldn't others have the chance to celebrate Christmas too? depite their denomination, their age, their culture and whatever walks of life they come from?

well, i was just thinking about the reaction my brother gave when he recieved his presents last night and i have to admit, i was kind of sad that he didn't seem grateful that he even had a present. he had gotten two books, one was "The Time Machine" and the other was the "Chronicles of Narnia". he seemed much happier openning the present his brother gave him, a pirate lego set. the worst thing is that after openning that, he asked to get the whole set. he's being a demanding kid.


i think maybe we have gotten our priorities all screwed up. i remember that when i was younger, anything i got, i took. i was happy for all the toys i got, for the books i found under the tree. i was a book worm, but then so is my brother. i don't expect him to be like me, happy for all the books in the world, treasuring each story i read, keeping my classics in divine condition. well, he still is a child. he's only 8 after all.

as today drags on, i'm realising that despite the huge hustle and bustle in the shopping malls and the big hoo haa about christmas, it is such a quiet christmas after all. for me, it's like any other day where i just hang out at home, just typing away on my keyboard and finish my assignments and tutorials. maybe christmas went by without me noticing. where has christmas gone to?

Monday, December 19, 2005

i'm in uni waiting for my class to begin in an hour. sigh! summer school is so so la... i don't expect it to be a bed of roses, but that's the impression i'm getting form just this short while doing a business course. it really is so very relaxing. comparitively to the sciences, it is very much relaxed. as i type, i see dozens of students filing in to use the computer in the computer labs. alot of them are like me, taking the summer course and are just passing the time here, waiting for either their tutorials to finish, or are just too full for lunch.

uni life has been given so much hype. from the films we watch, it looks as if that the life on campus is the life to die for. it isn't as much fun as it may seem to be. the students potrayed on the tv seem to show a bunch of junkies that party everyday, when in truth, those that aim to get more than just a pass, reallyl have no time at all to do anything but study and do assignments and reports. it's really a slap in the face when i watch those hollywood flicks with students running around to great parties and flowing alcohol, and then make it to the dean's list! i mean like that just not possible. as smart as a person may be, it is just not possible.

i see people lugging their bags and laptops around, slouching over the weight of their heavy bags. yes, this is the reality of uni life. we really are not as "happy-go-lucky" as it may seem. those of us that try to party like our american counterparts, fail our subjects miserably! why the hell are they lying to us about the life that uni could be? i really wish i was living a movie. then i'd have endless cash flow, pass all my grades, and drive a super cool sports car, have co-ed dorms... sigh! i know, i know, never in malaysia! not when we still have to abide to a law that catches couples holding hands in the park.

recently, my boyfriend showed me a clip about a police brutality incident right in front of the ASEAN summit venue, the famed twin towers. the reason for this outburst was a bunch of people campaigning for human rights. what's embarrassing is the fact that there was foreign media present. i watched how a simple unfurling of a banner turned into police dragging a poor girl down the steps of the KLCC cafe. i couldn't believe it actually, mainly because my uncle is a cop and i couldn't imagine him doing that. the police should not have reacted that way. really. what the hell were they thinking anyway?! there was foreign media there!!!!

can you imagine what the fuck people abroad must be thinking now?! they must be thinking that we're a bunch of barbarians that are trying to act civilised. and the worse thing is the china doll filming case. now, they say that she's a malay! i mean like what the fuck?!!?! since when has a malay girl have a button nose, pink rosey cheeks and is as fair as snow white?! i saw the video clips of the squats, i know chinese when i see chinese... why dammit i'm chinese! of course i'd know how the heck my race looks like. sigh! the worst thing is that we sent a minister to china to apologise. if they knew that the girl was a malay, why the heck did they send a minister abroad to apologise... no sense in that i tell you!

ah well, i better keep my thoughts offline if i want to continue living my days in malaysia as a free person. i know damn well that they'd probably catch me for excessively anti-malaysian blogs. i sure as hell don't want to be dragged bodily from my hostel room, kicking and screaming down the stairs by our police!

but before i go into hiding, here's a line for you to ponder over :

Polis Diraja Malaysia... atau Polis Raja di Malaysia?!

Saturday, December 10, 2005

mummy dear is going to bintulu later in the afternoon today... i'm being technical since as i type this, it is 2.15 am. so yeah... later today. sigh... so lucky. they can get to eat kolok mee. sigh! to be in sarawak again! but then again, i have other things to look forward to. UNI!!!! yay yay! ok, i sound insane, but if you're not working and spending everyday at home, well, uni sounds so appealing. so summer school is starting in a couple of days... so happy!

i am worried though... now that the summer school is beginning, i'm busy wondering where am i going to buy the text... :S i went to MPH to check it out... no stock. but the book is some 70 bucks. not bad la. expected about 90 - 200 bucks for all these books cos of the publisher being prentice hall. dad has a series of these business books in the cupboard so i have been rumaging through the books. nada too. sigh! looks like i may have to go UBS, U-text to find my books. even the uni library doesn't have it. i checked online. silly la...

ah well, uni come fast... then i'll be in the hostels again :) a happier person! hahah! nobody to bug me to sleep earlier... or to tell me not to sleep so much. can go pyramid to catch movies... weeee! i'm horrible...

Wednesday, December 07, 2005

what does it take to be a good person? hmm... one thing i know is that the terrible people that filmed that poor china girl in the police station should be in jail. yes, i'm talking about the horrible hooha there was about the poor lass in the station made to do squats. i can imagine how degrading it was for her to be caught, in the first place, and worse would be when she was made to strip and do squats! and the most insulting thing to me is that the girl was aware of the person filming her. it was obvious from her look at the camera, in those short minutes, it was a look of defiance. a look that said, "film me all you want. karma will catch up on you!"


what the heck was that police woman thinking?! she was standing there, in the view of the camera. i'm sure she has been identified now. luckily the ministers were notified about this. i'm sure if this were to be notified to the police inspector of any random station, they'd probably be wanking off to the clip... fucking perverts. sadly to say, as a malaysian, i'm really ashamed by our police force. the countless times i've heard from my friends that have been stopped by the coppers, have managed to get away from speeding offences and red light jumps by paying "coffee money".

my friends once went clubbing at Soda in desa hartamas, the same night there was that awful raid, luckily i wasn't there... well, anways, a couple of my friends were caught by the cops for apparent use of drugs... my first thought was, "shit, what if it were nick?!" the second thought was "but those dudes dn't do drugs!". i know most people would be thinking, hell, what do you know what your friends do behind closed doors. i do know for one, these dudes won't.

so anyways, since these very unfortunate souls were "taking drugs", the coppers threw them in a truck to take them to pudu. mind you, my friends who went with them, followed the "detainees" in their own cars. one of my friends then called the uncle of one of the detained. this uncle immediately came over ot ensure his nephew was fine. now, throughout this entire ordeal, from the arrest to the release, my friends were in relatively good condition unlike the discriptions given by other detainees. reason why? this uncle managed to pay off the coppers. what the fuck!? i was reading the descriptions of those not so fortunate to have an uncle to pay the coppers off, i was really appalled...

as for my friends, the hospital said their urine was clean. ok. lucky for them they got out. seriously, i really wonder whether the coppers had purposely tainted some of the cups used to sample the urine just to get a certain "quota"... if that's the case, something i don't doubt, they're real assholes. as a science student, i do know that the use of a simple paper chromatograph is bullshit. this method of testing is so prone to errors! i mean like contaminants could be in the urine, such as meds for flu, fever, and all sorts of things. the chemical properties of these tablets contain similar substances as with your everyday junkie's cocktail. i mean like the chemical world is so very dodgy! you can't use simple paper tests to tell if a person is a druggie or not! it takes more than that!

i hope that the people who filmed that poor girl get caught, put on trial, for all to see... have a televised trial... i wanna see the fucking perverts that did this. as a woman, i feel so offended on her behalf. i also hope that those assholes that are behind the raids, tainting the urine samples to collect enough to fill the "quota" get hunted down and arrested. seriously. i really hope something happens to make malaysia a really better, non-corrupted country. sick and tired of these corrupted bastards...

Tuesday, December 06, 2005

Sick! i'm so very sick!

i'm having a horrible cough. the cough drops that the doctor gave are only effective for a while. sigh! my darling mummy is having a fever too. damn these stupid viruses. why the heck do they stay around in the body for so long?! sheesh! if i remember right, viruses usually last for only about a week sure as hell hope that the virus leaves soon enough. my summer school course is starting soon! anyways, christmas is coming around the corner... and i still haven't thought of what to buy for all my loved ones...

well, for the littlest brother, it'll be easy. he's such a baby, even if i bought him a toy sword he'd be happy... ok, maybe not. but then i think i'll get him something along the lines of harry potter. the kid is fanatical about harry potter. well, it's a good book for a kid with tonnes of imagination! for my folks, should i get them a combo? hmm... even if i do, what should i get? i doubt that my folks would find a "his and hers" set useful... i think they've passed the phase where giving a "his and hers" set was all so cute! haha! but then again...

the biggest headche for me now is what to get for my dear and des, my 17 year old bro. both like gadgets, which i am too poor to afford. so how? sigh! i think for my dear, i'll be able to give him something nice :) i have a few things planned... but being the impatient rogue he is, he'd probably be coming to read this post and find out before hand... so, hahah! serves you right babe! i ain't giving you any hints on what i'm going to be getting for you! bwahahah! choke choke! hahah!

aside from these little things in my head, i'm busy wondering what the heck am i going to be studying when summer school starts... i know the subjects, just that i'm not so sure just exactly what i'm going to be reading... kinda scary going into class not knowing what i'm going to be doing :S mental note to take all the notes in the uni and print them out when i shift back to the hostels...

ah well, i'll stop at this. today really has been uneventful so it's pretty boring :S...

Monday, December 05, 2005

this will be my first official post in this blog. the earlier one was just something to let my friends from friendster, who were kind enough to leave me a note in friendsterblog, that i appreciate them viewing my blogs :). anyways, the only reason why i had to resolve to switching to this blog is that the friendster blog i could not be viewed by my friends. it showed a blank page... so i thought that i'd turn to something much more reliable.

just finished talking to my dear dear... he's just signed off msn. he's got work tomorrow and i'll be lying in bed snoring when he's going out to earn his bread :P. well, i'll be waking up early next week too! when summer school starts of course. but really, sitting at home doing nothing is really boring. well, might not be tomorrow. mum just got sick... so super mum isn't so super after all? poor mummy...

i'll be her official paper girl tomorrow and till she goes to bintulu to visit my grandparents. so, i'll take oppurtunity to look around the plaza and maybe buy bread!!! yum yum mediya bread... heheh! so sue me! i'm a fucking pig... so?! maybe if i'm lucky, Zenith does air conditioning for the plaza... then i can go there and see my dear dear! bwahahah! ok, that was so retarded.

shit, have to cut my fingernails already. i'm one of those girls that do leave my fingernails to grow, but i can't take it wen they grow longer than half a cm from the flesh... reason? the stupid clicking sound i hear whenever i type. and i type alot cos i'm forever chatting online or just simply typing random shit on my trusty laptop. oh, i decided not to send it to the comp doc... it's being a good lappie, so i'll leave it be. :)

i had a nice talk with my old friend, my darling memeg... haha! ok, she's not called memeg, she's meg. have't talked to her in a while. i so suck at keeping in touch. it's amazing at how much people change, and yet don't change in a short period of 5 months. she's changed pysically, just slimmer and her hair's sooo much longer. she's not changed in the fact that she's still my darling best friend though... hahah! we can talk about everything!!

funny how friends come and go? i find it kinda sad. i really would like to have all the friends i had a long time ago still be calling me up and me being able to do so too. i do wonder, what the heck happened to those kids i used to play with when i stayed in oman. those were really good times. i'd give anything to go back to oman and look around. but then, i'd give anything to change somethings in my past. things that i regret and mend broken friendships, avoid certain realtionships.

one thing i wouldn't change would be the choices i made to take my chance on nick. he's the best decision i made. i have never for once regretted being with nick. i still feel bad about not being able to be with him right now. each night, he asks me the same question, "when can i see you?" and he never forgets to tell me he loves me. i'd be the greatest fool to let him out of my grasp! i sure as hell hope that nothing in our relationship changes... if any changes should occur, i hope it's that he loves me more.

*update on my flu... my voice is worse today... and my youngest brother sounds so cute! only cos he lost his voice :P hahah! he sounds like a little baby... unable to scream, and shout, he talks so softly, i just wanna hug him so tight and tuck him into bed... just might do that tomorrow... :P and maybe buy him ice cream to ease the throat... poor kid...
*ok, this blog is due to my friendster blog not working... so those who had posted earlier, in the friendster one, i didn't forget you! love you guys :)

wow! comments?!

haha! wow! actually i'm kinda shocked people were reading :P... but anyways, thanx! comment more :P... i'm a sucker for comments. hahah! well, today went to see the doc. woke up at about 7 something, couldn't sleep till 5... and the reason why? i got a damned flu virus my stupid brother. this dumb brother of mine, has been sick for a couple of weeks. so anyways, his daily routine is this;

1. wake up, go to college
2. come home, hug his zhe zhe and complain he's sick
3. breathes into his sister's face when she warns him she'll kick
4. lies in MY bed for his nap, cos it's always much more neater than his bed
5. wake up, whines and moans to mum

ok, mind you, throughout this time, he REFUSES to see the doc. at first it was fine, as with me. cos i have relatively good resistance compared to the idiot. then he got worse, no voice and coughing like an ass he is, then the virus blew itself all over the house. so now? the whole family is suffering from an unbearable cough and flu.

hah! this is the catch. we, the whole freaking family, went to see the doc today... man tonight he's surely going to makan big big lo! imagine, four of us (mummy is super mum, she din get sick) filing in. doc graded us by the severity of the flu... i got away without anitbiotics!!! woo hoo! yeah baby! hahaha! but yeah, i had the mildest form compared to my brothers, and my dad. the doc had this freaking huge smile when i came in (i was last). bet his little mind was running with $$$$$... bleah

so yeah, all four of us got the same dosage of medication, me and dad no antibiotics, and four bottles of cough syrup... they're fucking wasting man! imagine, the cough syrup, four freaking bottles! i mean like i sure as hell can't finish one bottle, neither can my youngest bro, he has smaller doses if i'm not mistaken. but like what the hell?! four bottles of cough syrup. i bet only one bottle might finish. this is so stupid...

then we went to church. ok, i pride myself in singing in church, no i don't sing in the choir, but i love to sing in church. today, no. i was croaking like a freaking frog! really... it was like listening to an aresenal of frogs croaking in unison! i was trying so hard to keep my voice from wavering from the hoarse crap it was to a screech... sorry God, today was a bad day, if i shattered any windows in heaven, i'm really sorry. i was busy cringing everytime my voice went from hoarse to screech. i bet the girl standing next to me must have had her hair standing on end! so finally, after several bad attempts, i decided to call the singing quits... i'm sure if i had gone for some idol competition, i'd exit crying!

after church, my body was screaming at me for not sleeping... (2 hours of sleep, i remind you). my folks, as if caught on the x mas shopping bug, went to 1 u... i spent half an hour sitting in MPH reading sin city as my brothers were reading some silly comics. i was busy trying to make sure none of the little kids around me would see the lewd pics in the comic and making sure my youngest bro didn't catch a glimpse of the art too... good book. might go back and buy it. but really, adult material ok? kids, strictly NC17.

ok, here's a question. why the heck are the books like harry potter and narnia so freaking expensive?! the price range is from 60 -160... and people who have been writing books since kingdom come, can only sell their books for 5 - 60 bucks. mind you, i'm talking hard cover. i was browsing through the classics and my heart nearly dropped out of my mouth. there, sitting in a shining corner were the full and complete omnibus of the works of the bronte sisters... i was going to worship the kind people who printed it. so with all the reverence i could muster, repressing a cough and trying to wipe the thought of unwrapping it from my mind, i gingerly turned the book to check the price... that's when i died and went to heaven... ok i didn't

the book, hard cover, about 2-3 inches thick was only RM69... it was only RM69 and harry potter, just a paper back was some freaking RM80!!! what the fuck is wrong here people?! we're talking classics! the beauty of literature at it's finest! the beauty and morbidity of life thrown i beautiful language, only RM69!!! and that is in hard back when a flimsy paperback about some stupid wizard is RM80!!!!

ok, i admit, harry potter is engaging, but the bronte sisters were tragic! their lives were tragic, their books were so filled with REAL LIFE, REAL troubles, REAL feelings... what the hell... i'm too distressed to think, and dying to shower :S... so i'll leave you guys to think about it... sigh!
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Untitled
hate my life sometimes. can't fucking sleep. having the worst diarrhoea i've had in a while. has been a couple of days already... nothing's right... fuck this all...

Comments
Andrew
Wee hee...I'm first to comment =P

Your blog is very crude indeed, so many F words... but it's your blog, I can see that you're really letting out your feelings here... And that was the thing that made me read the whole bloody long first entry... haha

Hope u're ok, girl..drink more 100plus to keep yourself hydrated. Life sucks, but if it's smooth sailing, you ain't gonna be as strong as you are now ya know.

Take care!
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First Blog here
*for people that simple cannot stand harsh and crude language, it's time to turn around and walk away... :P*

this would have to be the first proper attempt at blogging. only catch is that most blogs are available for the whole world to view. well, i'm fine with this la. i'll try to be my trully brutal and crude self here. so on days that i really have a fucked up day, forgive the language. i'm really not what most people think i am. the all bouncy facade i have is something i have to hide behind. i'm really a moody person, swinging from mood to mood. catch me when i really have the worst mood, beware, i will have no mercy. i think the only few people that truly have been pitiful enough to have encountered me when my panties are up in a bunch is my brothers, my dear, and poor poor derek :P... sorry man! hahah!

today is a so so day. i have swung from my all time low to my regular self. not super happy hyper me, but the me i am at home. i brood and ponder. i sit alone like a freakish hermit in my room, coming out to breath from my shell... ok, i'm over-doing it! but yeah, life has been that way the past few weeks. i eat, sleep, read, game in this room. my loyal lappie will be seeing the doctor on monday... poor lappie has a screen problem.

well, i'm using it now though. it's being good after me and my bro whacked it around a little. i think the cable from the moniter to the lappie itself is lose. fuck la. if it isn't, blody hell, i'll have replace the moniter, making me desperately hoping its just the connection!this lappie has served me through this past two years with the loyalty a dog has to its master... it's my baby mer! i can't imagine it not with me when uni starts.

just sitting here listening to the songs playing on my playlist has really got me thinking quite some. i sometimes wonder, why does my boyfriend put up with the shit i give him? i'm a paranoid little bitch, i have this tendency to look over my shoulder to see if someone my parents know is watching us walking around in a mall. it's time like those, he sometimes finds it frustrating. all he wants to do is hold me close, and i'm already freaking out that some asshole who's too free might be following us to have a closer look at me, then run off in a jiffy to tell my daddy dear, that his little girl is holding a guy's hands. sigh.

then when i feel like the time is fine, like when we're by the stairwell, i feel less threatened, i be myself... sounds so scandalous, but it's not you gossip hungry assholes. when couples are all hugging and snogging for all to see, which i once dared to do, i feel jealous that i have no more courage to do that. i just want to have that freedom to hug him, show him i care. dammit! why am i so paranoid? i'll tell you why. the little freedom i get in tiny doses this hols, is the only time i get to touch and hold my dear. i don't want the only way i can see him ripped from me.

reason why i think this way? i'm daddy's little girl. no guy is ever going to be good enough for daddy dear. nick is already considered the best i've managed to snag. i was lucky to even have him in the first place. things that brought us together is fate i guess, cos the time i met him again, after a seriously fucking long time, was the time i was nuts about him, and dating another dude. let's just put it this way, the other dude was a SERIOUSLY bad choice... i think the worst. if my other ex is reading this, yes, darren, you were better than him in lots of ways... i was really immature then :P...

well, anyways, i'm not gonna boast about my little thing of snagging nick... wasn't a planned thing mind you, it kinda fell in place. i'm talking about being daddy's little girl. unlike most of the "daddy's little girl" stereotypes, i'm far from the "daddy! i want..." and i will get type. i'm the "my daughter is not to date anyone till she's 30" category... ok, not 30, i'm sure he thought about grandkids when he set the age to 26 :S... yes, dudes and dudettes, daddy dear doesn't want me in close proximity with the opposite sex till 26. :S

well, my poor dear has to deal with talking to me online only. which he finds rather excruciating considering that he is so used to seeing me nearly everyday. uni has a blessing that we spend the days together, attending each other's lectures, sitting with each other at lunches. i swear, people would start saying stuff like we're attached to the hip or some shit. honestly, i couldn't give a shit what they think. i like being with him. he's funny, sweet, and he really cares about me. i try being the best girlfriend to him. he deserves it.

maybe i should just postpone the lappie diagnosis so i can talk to my dear? sigh. hate this. my lappie being so naughty. actually, just my lappie's moniter. aside from that, my lappie is a beautifully purring piece of work. it's working perfect! just that offensive screen... sigh! wish i could fix it myself... who's the wonderful computer geek that would help this stupid girl?! just so you guys know, my screen has these lines that jump up and down sometimes, and on bad days, it's the whole screen... all random lines... sucks...

ah well, time i go to bed... have church at 8... hopefully God forgives me for being the awful pain in His butt... being the rebel and all (in my dad's context)... nighty night people who are free enough to read this! :P God bless!



Jack
compaq laps kinda sux right? haha... cant play most new games d... long blog.
26? wow...
on just being able to meet nick online... at least u can see him in a few months... mine away 2 yrs... haih... haha
cheers,
Ki