it's raining all heaven is crying... maybe it is? ah well, is it the tears of joy or sadness... hard to say. if i were the Big Guy up there, i'd be pretty sad. this world is really going to the dogs... but then again, for some, it isn't.

why is it that love is usually the worst and best thing in the world? for many of us, we are disillusioned by the promise of happiness and joy when in fact, love can be a dark and scary place. in love manipulation, pain can occur. i on the other hand, am lucky to have found someone that would not do this to me. it is others that have done so, and that have done so to those i care for. just because one loves you, doesn't give you the right to use him/her. it isn't right!

there are those that use, due to loneliness. manipulation of the lover occurs and then when their needs have been fulfilled, they are left alone, without any reason or explaination. i'm lucky to never have faced it but then i have seen it happen. i have been caught in the middle of it all, i have been the one the patch up the wounds. why? because we, the friends, are the ones that catch our friends, craddle them in our arms when they need us, and finally, help them to grow again. but we will never be able to answer all the questions that they ask, we will won't be able to erase the scars left behind by the cruel manipulative heartless fiends.

i know that there are those that love with all their hearts, loyal to the end. thus is my relationship. i have so much confidence in him, knowing his little whims and habits. his happiness and pain, his funny little quirks, and he knows mine. he noticed the way i wrinkle my nose after i sneeze, he knows how i like to seperate my food on my plate, he notices when something is amiss. he truly loves. and i do too.

but my heart aches for the ones that ache because though they love like i do, their love does not respond that way. sigh! where is their heart? how does one manage to fool and play a fellow human around? do they not have any feelings? it's just not fucking fair! i know a close friend that faces this situation at the moment. i sorely wish that the stupid git that has left her hanging, would just call her and get over with it, she won't let go without him explaining why. why do such people exist?

once upon a time, i was in her shoes, but then our situations were different in that i had my heart stoney due to the pain as i walked away from the mess. mind you, the asshole didn't feel any remorse, but blamed me for being that bitch to walk out on him. both my friend and i have been the "wife" material. we are the type that wait up till 3-4 in the morning waiting for a call to ensure you're home alive and well. we give you your space but don't devoid you of affection. we are the kind of girls that you want to take home to meet your mum, no scandals too big, and yet not all pure until its just scary.

it due to this that guys like to manipulate us. i was so blessed to have someone like nick, but she hasn't fared as well as me. sigh... i do hope that life would be kinder to her...