*Warning!!! vulgar language... self-righteous people don't bother reading... i'd "hate" to sully your "perfect" eyes and life with my vulgarities

Rempits: A Bane to all Kuala Lumpur Drivers

i'm tired of hearing news of motorcyclists getting knocked down then pointing fingers at the car drivers... reason why? the above title. i mean like... what the fuck la... these fucking rempits think they blooody own the fucking road! what do you think har?!!? your grandfather own one ar?! sheesh la! what the fuck la...

ok, just to let you know what sparked my outrage was a perfectly fine drive home at 1.30 in the morning became a drive full of frustration and edgey nerves... mainly cos mumsy is the anxious one... (oh this happened sunday morning... technically speaking, morning) and i know this post is kinda late.. so sue me! :P

basically, what happened was that my bro notices a police block at the opposite side of the kerinchi link and then, we saw what they were waiting for. just straight ahead, darting out of the junction, was rempits...

these stupid asses were "rempit"-ing on their bikes. some with pillion riders... and usually some scantily clad female, no older than 20 clinging to a skinny male. i think there were some 20 plus bikes swerving in and out then... really stupid bunches of shit... shit for brains la they all! they basically hogged the entire fucking three lanes of the highway... like what the fuck!?!?! even cars don't freaking take up three lanes la you fuckwads! now, those familiar with kl roads, or at least familiar on the 101 ways to get to desa hartamas, this is from the kerinchi link to desa hartamas and taman seri hartamas.

dad was driving our good old wira and all of us were dying to get home to our nice cosy beds. then this shit brains think it's funny to ride fast and slow, however they please!!! i mean like they're freaking shaking hands and talking to each other on their bikes in the fucking middle of the road!!! as if to rub salt into our already irritated moods, this crazy ass fucker thinks he's the man...

this asshole suddenly speeds up to overtake my dad, and mind you, there was a lane free beside dad and the fella had to hug as close as he could to the car!!! fuck man! it gave my mother a shock... dad gripped his steering wheel like if he could, he'd take it out and whack the shit out of the fella's brains. my brothers were in the state of "what the fuck"ness... me, having witnessed this one too many times on the way back from the clubs, just sat there shooting death rays out of my eyes at them... ok, if only those death rays worked...

i know Jesus has risen from the dead, but heeeeellllllloooooooooo?!?!! you're not Jesus! gaaah!!!!

you can't freaking raise your shit brains from the floor if you wanted to! which is why you have shit for brains... you shat out your freaking brains and left them on the floor, then stuffed shit into your brain cavity! and those girls riding behind you are air heads.... they're so empty headed they think... wait.. they can't think... so let's just leave it at that before i accidentally compliment them.

oh, as if to make life harder, they blocked off the first turning to kiara, the one through the SMK Hartamas school, by riding so slow. then not enough... they decide to congregate at junction!!!! you know the junction to turn to either desa or taman hartamas? yeah, that one! dad was tired and irritated. so he did what most kl drivers would, without honking, he drove as close as he could to the motorcycle... luckily, one of them suddenly grew an inch of brains and asked his friend to speed up... then we got home, mum, still a bundle of nerves... cursing stupid idiots all the way home...

great way to start the easter week huh?

Mid-Semester "Break"

i think the uni thinks its funny to give us some hope of a nice week of relaxation, sitting by the pool, sipping on lemonade... ah!!! that would be just what i need! the bad thing is that i'm soooo not going to get that! reason? cos the uni also thinks it's funny to load our breaks with assignments and tests to prepare for... gah!

let's just list down the entire list of things to do this entire holiday:
1. eco trip report 1&2 (eco trip one due 17th)
2. biochem assignment 2
3. instru assignment 2
4. genetics computer gene mapping project
5. biochem revision
6. gentics lab reports
7. genetics revision for test 2

and i only have a week!!!! :S sigh... i think the lecturers forgot what it was like to be a student. ah well, at least we have technology! :P in a way... oh, btw, tomorrow's easter but i'll be going for the easter vigil mass... it's really an experience for one to sit for that mass... it's long, but very rewarding :P

back to work... ta ta people.. till uni decides to be nice to me...

Big Bad Assignments... and A BIGGER and BADDER Test... All Come Monday!!! :S

oh, this has to be the most hectic weekend i'll be having. i'm actually in the middle of a extensively complex report. actually 6 in one report due monday, along with my favorite subject, genetics to be tested. i'm sooooo dead... i mean like think about it la... i have these 6 reports due monday. on friday, i have another report due. monday, i have a test that's covering 6 chapters. i'm on cloud nine of hell... :S

to make things worse, i'm having the worst thing any girl can have when she needs her weekend to be a productive one. i'm having one of the worst cramps i've had in a while... shits... and i so need the concentration and energy, all that i can muster to finish 6 reports within a weekend. i should have never allowed myself to fall behind in work. shit la! this is the worst thing about doing science. the reports... it's killer.

*dreamers don't go anywhere... but we don't go anywhere without dreams*

Uni's Just Soooo Hectic... Why Am I Not Used to It Yet?!?!?!

tomorrow i have a test that i just finished studying for, my eyes are burning with fatigue, yet i just felt like had to let this out. sigh... i was having lunch with a bunch of juniors today... and oh, they were complaining to me they were suffering!!! i know i was doing that then... i have an idea now, why my seniors were like " HAH! you ain't seen nothing yet!" really...

tomorrow, i have a crazy early class at 8... wtfh la... wish these lecturers would just to bed and sleep till noon like the rest of us :P well, i have been yum cha-ing with a bunch of jokers i call my friends at "corner shop" at the awful timing of 7.30 am so i really have lacked some very precious sleep. hahah!

i think the worst bit of my luck is coming after this damned test. i have my genetics report due next week, which is actually a compilation of 6 reports in one!! :S and then, there's the ecology report i have to hand up next week too. i think i won't be able to sleep well... i better start doing more work. putting in more time la. not to mention that genetics class is also next week... DIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!

i really wish so hard that live was really like the uni life portrayed in the movies... why la!!! then again, sigh! wishful thinking never got anyone anywhere now right?! ah well.. on with life la... gah! damn stressed!

University Ecology Trip to Kuala Selangor

just got back yesterday from a 3 days 2 night trip to Kuala Selangor for my ecology trip... it was great! really! minus the leech bite and getting all stuck in the mud. basically, we left at around 5.30 pm and arrived at Kuala Selangor at around 7.30... reason for the late arrival? a freaking crazy jam! so anyhoo... that's where the fun begins.

on arrival, we put away out things and then went to have the dinner provided by the uni. not bad... but i can't really remember what we ate la. after that, it was a rush off to view the fireflies. myself anf hui ru latched ourselves to KY our, senior and made him take us on his boat. dr cathy joined us in the boat we took and off we floated up the river.

for those that have never been there, the fireflies are beautiful. it's the most romantic thing to view! really! and the sad thing is i was sitting next to KY instead of my dear dear... :S but anyhow, it was nice. me and KY went on a hyper happiness when we stopped to take pictures of the firefly-filled tree... it was like this nature-produced christmass tree. it was really so nice! :) i managed to take a couple of pictures... but then the images were not very clear, i didn't have enough exposure so the picture only managed to catch maybe 2 - 6 flies flashing :S

the next day, we woke up early, me and hui ru, to follow KY to see otters in the lake.. (i christened in Otter Lake, but it's really someother name... :P) so anyhow, we departed the camp site at about 7-8.30 and walked through the forest to the lake... it was beautiful. if i learn how to upload the pics into this site, i will. but i think i'll most likely upload it into my multiply site. anyhoo, we managed to reach there, but the otters knew we were there and dived into the water. it really was a beautiful view at the lake, even though we didn't get to see the otters.

after the otters, we followed the rest of the group to the mangroves.. trudging through the mangroves in big rubber boots is soooo not fun. the mangroves literally swallows your boots if you stand in one place for too long. i got stuck twice, but many were falling over and getting sucked in more than that.

though it was straineous, the experience was beautiful. we got to see the cutest little crabs, though they didn't stay long enough for me to snap a picture of them :S anyhow, just as i was exiting the mangroves, i got the final stuck in the mud! gaaaah! lost my boot, then my socks :S not fun... trust me... hahah! but it was irritating to be like 5 steps away from the exit then getting stuck :P

the afternoon was the trip to the secondary forest. also alot of nice flowers and plants. i preferred that walk due to the nice nice scenary :P anyhoo, all the pics i haven't uploaded yet. the only thing i have been doing is sleep to restore the energy i lost.

in the evening however, i went up the hill with hui ru to see the sunset... the view up there was breath-taking. basically, there was a lighthouse, a troop of maniacal monkeys with the most adorable babies, and tourists left right and center. the monkeys there were mostly tame and actually used to people so it makes them not afraid of us... again, a lot of beautiful scenary snaps were taken...

the last day was a trip to Gombak forest. now that was where the leeches decided to attack me! more than one climbed onboard my shoes, one managed to latch on and suck :S so anyhoo, the leech was yanked off by a nice friend. and the bite bled for quite a while :S again, the view was beautiful... sigh! nature is wonderful, but so easily destroyed... i think the only thing i didn't like about the trip was the leeches. and i fact that the toilet was... let's not go there :|

Classes Day in Day Out

gosh... i have never felt so exhausted in my entire time in uni. i feel mentally exhausted. i have been sleeping well, and actually absorbing stuff in class, but the thing is, by the end of the day, i'm just sooo tired. as i type, i'm taking a break from reading the new notes my instrumental lecturer added yesterday...

thinking about the field trip this weekend is another head ache. i'm just wondering what am i going to do if the area i'm in has no digi coverage?! i could bring my maxis number but that would mean i have to spend money to buy credit. and as of now, i really should stop my spending... sigh! i'll be broke by the end of the week!

uni life is taking a toll on everyone i know... we have been lazing around all holiday and when we're thrown back into this speeding world of assignments and reports, it suddenly feels so hard to keep up! even finding time to study can be a headache. lately, i've been going to bed with throbing headaches... totally makes me wish i could just fall asleep as soon as i rest my head on my pillow! hahah! ah well, back to work then... ta for now!

Sick Sick Sick Bastards...

in this world, there are sick sick sick bastards... i can't even say... i'll just let you go to the link and agree with me

Hot Sun... Storm.... Hot Sun... Storm... (Wtf?!...)

the above comment is to indicate the insane weather lately. it has been this insane cycle of incredibly hot sun then a crazy torrent of rain, followed by a heavy storm. it's so insane!!! really. as i type this, it's raining like fuck. heheh!

the only good thing about these storms is that once it's over, it'll be pretty cooling :). oh, i think i may be going to have to loan my beloved cheongsam to a friend. i hope it'll turn out fine... i really love that cheongsam...

sigh... i feel so dead...

What a Killer Storm!!!! WoooooooHooooo!!!!!

wow! yesterday's storm was just wow! i have lost count of how many tress have fallen due to the rain! aside from that. my apartment was totally flooded!!! my room, luckily, was nice and dry, i happened to be in my room mer. anyways, the wind and rain was pretty bad. the old tree outside my window lost two branches, the tree next to it lost a couple too. one of the branches fell on a staff car and then, you can imagine the nice scartches and dents that would be apparent after that!

anyhow, the park opposite my hostel also suffered pretty badily. a tree was uprooted in a sense... though my dear dear insists that the tree just fell cos it was pulled out of the ground... this morning , i walked by, i could see the roots shown in the air!

all around sunway, the signs of a bad storm is evident. fallen trees, broken branches, leaves on the road, newspaper and rubbish strewn all over the place. i was lucky to be in my room. my study notes would have been thrown all over the place by the wind had i not been. not to mention my room mate's notes would have gone out the window too... or maybe, when we got back, it may have ended up as paper mache!

i have a fascination for the power of mother nature (for all you self-righteous christians claiming that my reference to mother nature means i worship the earth... Screw yourself... you guys should fucking read more to realise that it's a manner of speech, as the word "Fuck" is). imagine, a wind so strong it lifted trees out of their stable anchor into the ground in a short 30 minute storm. i was awed... and here we are, making use of the resources we have been so generously given, to destroy the beautiful planet we live in.

which brings me to yet another thing. i have absolutely no idea why some people seem to think that genetic engineering is "evil". look, let me tell you this. it isn't the doctors that are saving you bloody ignorant bastards! it's us biotechies that have to find some stupid antibiotic or some kinda of medicine for your countless pathogen problems. for goodness sakes! eat well, sleep well, life well, and you won't need our damn medications, and we won't have to think of smart ways to blast your little germs to oblivion...

Ganbate Sem 1 2006!!!! Here Weeeeeee Goooooooooooooooooooo!!!!

Oh gosh man! feeling like a fucking nerd. i'm actually reading my notes everywhere i go now! bloody hell... if i don't fucking score a disctinction... i really dunno what to do or say lo. uni life was never easy but then... sigh! doing all this studying is tiring. i find myself getting exhausted though all i do is climb stairs to my apartment, go to classes, eat, sleep, debate with the engineers about retarded topics and struggle to make sure i won't be as lazy as last semester. so far i'm staying true to my schedule. requiring a helluvalot of discipline la...

so far, to date, i think i've been studying quite well... i think la. at least i'm remembering things i studied in the lecture theaters. planning to sleep properly so i can stay awake in the lectures... not that i dare sleep liao la... just that i get rather tired... and the brain can't absorb much in that state.

today, for genetics, we learnt of a genetic disease, it's called Tay-Sachs and basically, what it is, is just one missing letter in our DNA structure. this missing letter, is crucial in the coding of a enzyme. the lesson didn't go into detail about what this missing letter was, but the effects of one missing letter was lethal.

basically what happens is that the baby that is born with this disease is doomed from the moment he/ she opens their eyes to the world. this letter missing in their HEXA gene is crucial in producing an enzyme required in the breaking down of the fat in the developing brain of a baby. without this enzyme, as the baby grows, there is no room for the brain to grow, thus damaging all learning processes. most children born with this condition do not live past 5.

watching the anguish of the parents for this child made me want to cry. i was biting back every single tear with every fibre in my body. one reason, i was imagining if my child was in that condition. the baby shown had deteriorated from a happy laughing bubbly baby boy to a vegetable. he couldn't even smile or laugh. can you imagine your son in that condition? and the worst thing is that both the parents were carriers, making it very possible that their next child be another victim. for a mother, it is the worst thing. to have your child die due to a faulty gene in your DNA make up(if she decides it's her fault la).

to explain the severity of the disease, lets just say that your child, a happy baby slowly deteriorates. he used to be able to crawl, sit up and poke the bubbles you blew in his face. suddenly, one by one, he can't. he can't even smile anymore. then one day, he starts having seizures, then he grows blind by age 2. along the way, he can't suck on his milk bottle anymore and doesn't know how to swallow, then by 3, he's deaf. and deep inside, you know he's doomed to die by 5 years...

any woman out there would rather have no children than have their child subjected to this. really. that's why i recommend a full blood DNA check up before marriage. both you and your fiance. this disease, as with many others, are only capable of affecting your offspring in pairs as they are repressive. both you and your partner would have to be carriers of this faulty gene.

according to most scientists, the disease, thank God, isn't common in asians but more of those with Ashkenazi (eastern and central European) Jewish background and Amish people. even so, it's a mutation, and seriously, shit happens. i sure as hell am going to test my DNA before having babies. i don't want my child to be hit by some shitty disease that i learnt of while doing my degree... and i was ignorant enough to be hypocritical to whatever i would recommend to others.

oh, btw, the poor baby that was made the case study has passed on. Rest his soul, at least he'll be laughing and happy again in heaven. if ever you find out that you have family with jewish ancestory, though slim (i'm talking about M'sians generally), do do do ask them to check themselves up. even as an asian, we also have quite a few genetic diseases i'm sure. it's better to be safe than sorry.

ps.... symptoms that your baby may suffer from this disease is that he/she would be extremely jumpy and responds drastically to surprises. for more info, use... the internet!!! muahahah! :P

Petrol Prices... Up Up and Away!!!! (but our morale going down baby)

i know i've already blogged for today but then something in me needs to be let out. sigh! you see, petrol prices went up early last week if i remember right. my parents each drive a car and my mum's 4x4 uses diesel. diesel is cheaper but then that's not what i'm talking about now. what i'm going to share is what happened this morning, and how it affected a decision i made just an hour ago.

you see, my mum needs to pump gas every week due to fetching my brothers up and down everyday. so today, after church, we went to a shell station along the highway to pump some gas. shell staff are given a car, a petrol card that entitles the holder to 5% discount off the total price. now, what happened is dad was moody today and when he went to pay for the gas through the card, the sales girl told him that people cannot pump "full" tank this way, but state an amount. dad blew up and stormed out of the petrol convinient store, embaressing my mother and brother who were waiting in line to buy bread.

after that, dad made a short trip to another kiosk near damansara. he went in and bought RM50. this time, the kiosk didn't accept the shell card so no discount. mum wasn't amused. though we could have saved a mere RM2.50, mum has been saving every penny. my brother was planning to go NZ to do his engineering. aside from that, money is hard to get nowadays. she and dad were quarrelling all the way home. as usual, we kids would be quiet as mice to let mum blow of some steam.

ok. now onto now. just now, i walked out of the shower, dressed and good to go back to the hostel when mum suddenly says that i'll be sent back tomorrow. saving petrol apparently. dad takes a similar route. the catch is my class is at 8am. and this is majorly inconvinient for me. other than that, my dear dear planned to see me tonight and i had to cancel it due to this. sigh. trying to bargain my way into getting them to send me home would result in a huge fight so i backed out. sigh.

i know nick's upset about this and would be rather moody, knowing him la. but then i guess the one that is to blame is me. i shouldn't have told him that i'll see him tonight. to top it off, i won't be spending nearly 24/7 with him this week as i'll be spending most of my time in the hostel to make sure i have time to go to his race with him... i think i'll call him after this to apologise... stupid petrol prices...

So Hot... But Must Continue to GANBATE!!!!!

So warm la lately. today went to church, the temperature was at a blazing 37 degrees. shiiiiattes.... anyhooo... there was this article in the church bulletine that made me want to laugh. "Colours and Their Meanings".

as far as i know, God made all the colours in the world. why the heck would colours suddenly have meanings? today's featured colour was black... can you guess what they wrote? i wanted to take the author by the neck and point out to him that priests wear black cassocks, nuns have black habits, most people in the world have black hair! and there the author goes talking about how the colour black is evil and all that crap. sigh! leading poor innocent believers into thinking they have to burn all their black clothes (my parents included... sigh!).

today, i'll be debating on the insanity of these people and their stupid interpretations of colour... black... it's not an evil colour depicting the devil. it's a nice colour, showing the yin and yang of life... i have never believed that colours represent any evil at all. in the colour spectrum, there's such a wide spread! so are these people trying to tell me that for every wavelength of light there is, it has a meaning? if so, good luck in making up the meanings.

ok, i'll put this to you. the colour white. in some cultures, it symbolises purity, innocence, cleanliness and the good stuff. in others, it's a colour worn during periods of mourning. for example, chinese would kill you if you wore a white wedding cheongsam to your tea ceremony. in the ang moh's context, a bride in white is a picture of perfection.

red... this colour, for chinese, is a wonderful colour. worn during CNY, weddings, births, any celebration! but then the ang moh's think otherwise. you see, red, to the ang mohs, may mean a variety of things. for some, rage, others, sensuality, war. mars is red, and the greeks regarded him as the God of War... so, which should we believe?

black is indiscrete. it blends in beautifully with everything. the europeans were fascinated with our ebony hair, dark dark eyes... in that way, are we evil? the africans were thought to be lower than whites, why? because their skin was black? see! this is all due to the point of view of others. black was a scary colour once upon a time! imagine a place where the dark was full of the unknown? i don't blame our ancestors to be wary of the colour, but i doesn't give any reason for shunning it!

black is just a colour... it holds no meanings to me. it's the people wearing the colour that make it something. just as some consider red and black to be sexy, it's all the individuals wearing the colour that makes it mean something...

Guilt Ridden, Heart Broken, Mentally Crushed

has anyone felt like they let down the world? well, let me just say this la it is not a pleasant feeling. i have yet again, failed myself, my parents and those that believe in me. i have failed yet again 2 subjects. honestly, i think i must be crazy. i have no one to blame but myself. sitting here, analysing myself, at 1am, without my contacts on, eyes burning. sigh. can't sleep you see...

as of now, i have listed down the reasons why i didn't do well. i was supposed to pass, theoretically, i did, but then cos i failed the finals, i failed the papers. sucks, but that's how it goes. i've done my thinking, my soul searching. i know my dear is prolly worried about me. but as of now, i'm vowing to myself that i won't let my parents down anymore.

mum told me a few things that have made me like my title says, guilt ridden, heart broken and mentally crushed. she's not pressuring me, don't get me wrong. it's just that i have neglected my responsibility as a good daughter for so long that i feel so bad. all my parents wanted out of me is to do well in life. and so far, all i've done is fail their expectations. i have been over-confident and ignorant to my capabilities, to how far i can stretch myself. i really needed to analyse myself.

i listed the things i needed to change about myself. nick told me it's time i grew up a little more. i think i know what he means. all my life, i have tried to stay behind in the rat race, be like how i was when i was still in high school, care free, ignorantly happy. life can'tbe that way sadly. i have all the chances given to me yet each time, like a fool, i waste them.

as of now, i'm still thinking of how to tell my parents that i have let them down again. i can't bear to see their faces. i know it would please them to see me eager to change my ways, but i know they'll ask finally. and till then, i plan to let them be as relaxed as possible. i have good parents that love me to bits, a supportive family, loving boyfriend and friends. imagine, my friends flocked to me on hearing my grades, my boyfriend rushed to my side too. have i been falling back on their comfort so much i have turned ignorant to my responsibilities?

planning out my study time, i noticed that if i really really pay attention, and really stick to my new timetable that i set for myself, i would have no problem finding time for my social life. the thing now is to stick to my new regime. i really have to psych myself up to stick to it. there is only so much my friends can do to help me. the rest is up to me. all this is keeping me up. thinking thinking thinking. i feel so useless suddenly that i haven't bought my other reference books and haven't begun my revision. this really is a slap in the face. like the many times i have been slapped in the face mentally by my failures in life.

sigh... i'll leave this at this.. and mull and think again exactly how to tell my poor parents... i should burn in hell for hurting them this way... i better make it up to them... i HAVE to!

Ponder Ponder Ponder...

today we face a battalion of horrible diseases, war and moral degradation. just why? is it the apocalypse arriving or is it just another way of God to remind us that we really are just mere mortals. that we are not as powerful as we believe. and the worst bit is, the more we look into it, we find that the causes of all the pain ans suffering around is really, us!

ok, one very fine example is the mad cow disease. as all of us know now, it was due to farmers trying to save money and started this "smart idea" of giving their bovines their dead and processed brothers and sisters... eww! even we humans shun cannabalism. and these pitiful cows, totally clueless, munch happily on these little "treats" their beloved owners provide them. can you imagine what those poor cows are thinking as they froth in the mouth and go mad?! they're prolly cursing us for:

1. we're eating them
2. Taking their precious milk
3. feeding them their relatives
4. causing them torment and pain from the stupidity of feeding them with their relative's extra parts.

another new threat would be that blasted bird flu. well, i haven't read up on what's causing it, but as with all viruses, i'm guessing that this was once harmless to humans, then, bang! it evolved to be bigger and badder! haha! but the thing is i'm kinda peeved over the fact that i can't get to eat chicken in peace! can you imagine a world without chicken? no!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

as for the war, i think we only have one man to blame. actually, i'm starting to wonder if i should call him a man or a stupid asshole. i'll stick with the SA (stupid asshole). now this SA is a really dumbass. i mean like, he goes marching into war, even after the absolute no no from UN and all those biggies, pope included. and i was thinking, ok, since bushie is a catholic, he'd listen to John Paul II, but, noooooooooooooo! the SA bushie thinks he's better than God apparently and directly disobeys a man sent by the Good Lord to lead over us... really la, a big STUPID ASS!!!

as far as i know, the US has lost a great number of young men in that war, not to mention the poor iraqis. one day, they were all living in fear of a dictator but knowing that they'll be safe if they keep their thoughts to themselves, very content with life. then suddenly, BANG!!!! weddings have been crashed with bombs, families torn apart and children are left orphaned. who gave that SA any right to invade them!?

i know that there maybe some good that would come out of the war, but at this rate. people are angry with the Americans trespassing and the soilders are not exactly accustomed to their ways, thus causing much more friction. in a world where customs and religon are a huge aspect, the soilders are just messing it up further.

i remember that the US promised to free Iraq and then leave. till now, they haven't left. what they thought would be a quick process of liberation has turned into a grueling battle of politics and arms. rebels attacking the US troops, innocents, and trying assasinate US appointed leaders. this is definitely not what the iraqis would have thought that they would get. trust me, any sane person would think that way.

about naturally caused disasters, i won't "rant" cos it's just nature... sigh, or is it?

Feeling Fat and Tired... :S

have been sleeping at ungodly hours lately and waking up at 7am with mummy screaming in your ear that if you don't, your brother will eat all the toothpaste up. ok, i'm exagerating. my brothers don't eat toothpaste. they just stay there longer than i do.

my 18 year old bro, the middle one, des, would spend at least 10 minutes on his ridiculous hair. i have no idea why? in the end, no matter what, his face spoils it all! (my brother frequently reminds me that we siblings are pre-programmed to say that regardless how hot the individual may think... or the stupid air-headed females that seem to find the ugly twerp alluring... *vomits*)

the youngest one would then complete the session of waiting for the loo by banging on the door informing my entire floor that he needs to use the toilet or he'll bake brownies in the hallway (putting it in a less disgusting way). and when he finally gets in, he would grace the bathroom with the most enticing scents known to man. after sure display of affection to their lovely elder sister who cringes at the thought of having to enter a bathroom with enticing smells and a wad of phlegm sitting contently on the sink strainer (you know, the little metal thingy that stops us from clogging up the drain with hair), who wouldn't want to go brush their teeth and get ready.

i sometimes wonder why i bother trying to remind my youngest brother to put up the toilet seat when peeing and to somehow get a young adult to remember to wash the strainer once he has deposited his green glob of carbohydrates and such. all my warnings, reminders, seem to be just a waste of breath! hahah! but i guess i'll just have to put up with it. such disgusting things brothers are. can't live with them, but can't laugh at yourself thinking that you're hot.

i'm so tired!!!!!!!! i so need to sleep :S

Little Bother's (Brother's) 9th Birthday

ok, so today is the little terror's birthday. he's going to be 9!!! sheesh! just not long ago, he was just a baby that my mum didn't allow me to carry. then again, not long ago, i had crooked teeth and had not learnt the beauty of contact lenses. but now, it's a whole different story. looking at my brother now, with my clearer vision using the blessed things called contact lenses, i see he's grown up.

who in the world gave them the permission to grow up!? i was just getting comfortable to his cute little toothy grin when he started to talk, then suddenly, he's shooting his mouth off, refusing to shut up! and it's still that way, just worse obviously. you know, maybe it would be good if little brothers never learn to speak until they grow up to be men? hmmm... hahha! or at least till i'm out of the house where he won't scream at me for not letting him watch tv, me play dota, or any game for the start. sigh!!!!

well, i have to look out for my other brother who'll be 18 next friday... sigh! pressie hunting again. you have no idea how expensive it is to have brothers!!! i'm telling you, i'm going to torture my kids and give them 3 brothers!!! bwahahah! on a second thought, no. i can't risk the pain of child brith that many times. i'll die. so maybe two kids will be enough. sigh... there goes my plan to torture my kids...

can you imagine me running after 4 terrors?! that would be hell! i can barely take my brother's unceasing whining and screaming (when he's throwing his tantrums), how can i bare 4??!?!?!?! my dear dear will be ever so pleased to read this. as a matter a fact, i can see him going, "I told you so!" oh, by the way, my darling thinks having one is enough (considering he's an only child) but i believe in having more than one! hahah! but less than three... it'll be hell otherwise. so do the math... hahah!

oh, don't get me wrong. i love kids! so long they don't scream, punch, cry and throw tantrums at me. and another thing is i hate kids who forget how young they are and demand things... thus my brother always getting very harsh scoldings from me. sigh! it's not pleasant mind you. gets very guilt racking... but i think i can pull it off without him breaking my heart in front of him. i'm becoming my mum!!! oh no!!!!

oh, by the way, mum's the best mum in the world. hahah! and i like the way she brought us up. just that my youngest bro has alot of influence from his rich rich friends in that snotty school cempaka where mummys are carrying louis vuitton to school and clicking in their impossiblely high jimmy choos. oh did i mention that they also wear versace tops with guess jeans and nike sneakers just to pick up their kids... and they stand there for not more than 15 minutes... bloody show offs... (so what? i'm jealous they have money and i haven't! :P) well, i only wear my very worn out romp jeans plus my pasar malam t-shirt and man slippers.... feeling very small mer!

Chap Goh Meh Tomorrow

for all who plan to collect more ang pau, now would be a good time! haha! this is the last night i'm going to bed with my ang pau's piled up under my pillow. something my mum had told me to do since i was a little lass. something to do with growing up well! :P anyhow, i have more ang pau then my brother!!! woo hoo! and seriously. he's not so happy about it :P hahah!

well, today was so so. went to catch fun with dick and jane at GSC 1 U. it's an ok movie, for the quick witted. had my two brothers in tow so that wasn't ideal movie watching mood for me. surprisinglyy, my youngest bro was capable of staying still through the entire movie! proud of him for that! hahah! but what kind of bummed my day was the brunch we had.

there's this shop in Taman Megah, not Ming Tien, but this other shop that sells S'wak Kam pua. good stuff when i first openned but not anymore. too many customers and they aren't capable in keeping up with the demands. so basically, the noodles get worse the later you reach. anyhow, i wasn't upset over the food, i was more of upset over the drinks.

imagine this, a very packed coffee shop, 2 drink ladies working it. my brothers and mum managed to get a table and there were still three coffee cups on the table. we called one of the drink girls to clear the table since all the other things had been cleared already. then she nods and tells us to wait. ok, we're ok with that. we order our noodles and wait for the drink lady to come around to clear the table again. SHE WALKS PAST US TO CLEAR THE TABLE BEHIND US, mind you, they came much later than us, THEN HAS THE NERVE TO TELL US TO WAIT AGAIN!!!

alright, i know you may say, "aww... it was a packed day. i'm sure you can wait right?"

-------- 30 minutes later with 3 empty bowls of noodles----

no, she hasn't cleared our table yet. people are starting to point out to her that my youngest brother has been trying to get her attention for the past half an hour. she huffs and tells her lady boss, the other drink girl. lady boss looks at us then looks away... WHAT THE FUCK?! not only that, she walks to another table and takes their order and clears their table!!!! bloody fuck! i was so pissed.

so after some 15 minutes and 4 empty bowls of noodles, she finally comes, my brothers are just finishing their last mouthful, as she clears the table, i tell her to leave, we have nothing to order. then... i mean like what's the point oh? people finish their food liao then only you come. for what oh? then, the fucking bitch slams the three coffee cups onto the tray and glares at me!!!! what the fuck!? i wanted to scold her already but my mum was like, "why she walked off like that? make us wait then act like we owe her money,".

ok, must cool down... sigh... too much la... never eating there again. EVERYONE WHO BOTHERS TO READ THIS POST, NEVER EAT THERE!!! SERVICE SUCKS AND THE DRINKS LADY IS TOO RICH LIAO. DON'T NEED YOUR MONEY!

hehe...

Waiting for Exams to Start

no, i'm not crazy... i am waiting for the exams to begin. i just want to get over with it la. having business Stats today. as soon as the exams are over, i'm free to sleep as long as i like, take loooong soaks in the swimming pool downstairs, tan myself if i want. you know la. just chill. oh, but then again, i have to get ready for my new semester. plan to study beforehand for one of my subjects, i failed them both by a few marks last semester and my very dear lecturers refuse to add a couple of marks to help me pull through.

oh, exams are going to start at 1.30 pm and the time now us only, 11.52 am. the retarded thing is that the lecturer told us that the exams start at 8.30 am and i have been up since then. my poor boyfriend, being the wonderful suppportive darling that he is, woke up early, battled a awful jam just to be with me before i entered the exam hall... to no avail. imagine both our shocked expressions when staring stupidly at the notice board that said that the exams were at 1.30 pm and not at 8.30 am. we both felt so cheated... especially him.

oh, but i wasn't the only one that got "Con-ned". i later saw my classmate strolling up to the notice board, stare in disbelief and ask me if he was seeing things. so thus proving that i did see it right and i did hear my lecturer tell me otherwise. who should i believe? the notice board. upstairs, the notice board didn't have any indication that my subject was being tested at 8.30 am.

just got back from pyramid actually, had a very heavy brunch of bbq lays and mc d's nuggets value meal. and the nicest thing is my dear dear is hanging out with me... he's willing to sit here, doing nothing for some one and a half hours, just to see me to the hall! he's so sweet!!! (:P)

so basically, he's sitting here, next to me, totally adorable and staring at random stuff... and he has a plan to grow a billy goat beard... then braid it... wannabe "black metal star" hahah! oh, but he begs to differ! did i ever mention that he's a car fanatic? oh, i guess you can make that out la, from my previous post, so yeah, he's also surfing random car sites... men! heheh!

Thinking...

as i'm preparing for my management exams, i'm looking through a job personality test... and honestly, i'm wondering if the course i'm doing will fullfill me in future. when i left college, or actually even before i started college, i had only one aim in my life for a job. one that would benefit the screwed up world we live in. my options? or rather what i would have loved to have been were the typical chinese set thinking;

1. doctor
2. doctor
3. doctor

reason why? to outdo myself. all my life has been a drilling my parents have done since i was a child. the only profession they thought a chinese should do were either being a doctor or an engineer. ok, so after my a-levels, i told them that i didn't qualify for med school but i could enter biotech or engineering... i chose biotech... but what is it that i truly want?

i read about people doing things that they love. it sounds great. my boyfriend's mum asked me why i wasn't a vet since i loved animals so much. i gave her the same answer my parents gave me when i asked if i could study to become a vet, "no business in m'sia la,". but i look around and everywhere i go, i see veterinary clinics popping up like mushrooms... and mind you, they're doing great... just lacking the space to treat they're furry patients.

my personality would suit, according to the book, the work of a social worker, psychologist and all the people work you can imagine. i did want to be someone to do pro bono work in clinics and stuff and work with the befrienders... but again, i was discouraged from it. the reason why? my parents responded the same way they responded about veterinary science... i honestly wondered if i had dared to challenge their statement, would i be on the way to be a vet? would i be on the way to be a shrink?

all these possibilities that could have and would have really are bothering me now... i can't help but wonder, do my parents really know what's best for me? i hate to doubt them but then again, everything they've done has worked out fine for me... minus the a-levels. don't get me wrong! i love my course... it's interesting and stuff, but there's alot of memorising... something i'm not so good at :P

another thought that has been bugging me is "what if i were born into a family with less conservative thinking than mine?" i'm assuming that my folks are the same, but "cooler". in other words, they have let me make all my decisions, supported my every talent to allow it to grow, water my ambitions to help me be me. i remember when i was a little girl, i wanted to be like grandpa, painting pictures for a living. my parents sat me on their knee and said, "if you like painting, next time when you're a big girl, you paint. but for now, you have to study hard so you can do the things you like when you're big. painting will not earn you much. you better be a doctor or an engineer,"

i know my talents. i have a creative mind, capable of poetry, writing stories that captivate my teachers, painting sceneries... you get the idea... i also know that i can be the most emotional being in the world, feeling compassion (sometimes too much it's dangerous) for people and anything living. but then i also know my analytical mind would be restless. as of now, i feed both. my analytical mind prey's on my uni work, my creative mind is confined to the laptop i type on.

i no longer paint. my parents say it's a waste of time. i no longer compose poetry, i have no time. i no longer write short stories either. it's scary how much my priorities have shifted from what i had desired when i was younger. i remember seeing the "One Academy" brochure. how i longed to join the academy to be a proper artist. i was told not to due to the dodgey future i may end up having. not that biotech is that stable in the first place :P

ah well, it's a materialistic world we live in. all i want to do is return to simpler ages when people could have tabs that the grocer knows you'd pay. where i could just walk down the street without worrying someone would snatch my bag. where i could just walk in a street at night without thinking of bringing pepper spray. what has this world become? was i so sheltered that my childhood has shaped me to be such a romantic where even a small cottage would cost me so much money i'd have to pay through my nose?! sigh!

just the musings of a disgruntled woman child dying to dance barefoot in the rain...

Happpppie Chinese New Year!!!!

i know that this is already the third day of the new year already, so i'm so very sorry. so far, this new year has been so so for me. it's been kind to me on the money side... been able to harvest a large ang pau loot this year, and grandma has given me extra cash! bwahahaha! other than that, it's been rather hard on my relationships with my closest relatives.

it's odd how much things change when you age. when i was small, i used to love to hang around my grandpa. i still do. but i don't admire him that much anymore. i know this may seem or sound cruel, but the thing is i used to admire the way he used to stand up, there was this fear of him that i had. i was scared i wasn't good enough for him. i still have that fear, but this time, i have a slight dissapointment too. once upon a time, he was the one that out did my brother and i when we went travelling. he walked faster and longer than us, but now, he complains of even walking in the shopping complex. he tires so easily and gives up equally as fast.

i'm not saying that i don't love him because he's old, i'm just sad he doesn't believe in himself anymore. that self confidence he used to have shining isn't there anymore. but then again, it could be due to his parkinsons. my grandfather is an artist. i am, i think, the most proud grand daughter he has, of him. i would talk about him to everyone i know. but the sad thing is when a person's love is crippled, they seem to lose hope in themselves. i know this may be the reason why my grandfather is like this now.

my grandfather was a man that went everywhere carrying his sketch book, sketching pictures as he sat in a park, by the beach, on a hill, anywhere. then he'd go home and paint. my grandfather paints the traditional water colour paintings. his work has been displayed in museums and sold to art collectors. but he has a huge stash at home. till his hands were shaking to badly, he'd hold his brush and paint as many pictures as he could. it was fun standing by his side, watching silently as he painted his pictures, sometimes asking him what he was painting. other times, i just watched as his hands made a few strokes turn into a horse galloping right at me.

now, my grandfather is tired and frail. he walks around the house wheezing, sleeping away 12 hours each day. he doesn't eat much and constantly complains of phantom pains. he thinks his feet are swollen, making us check it. some of my aunts encourage him in a way by rubbing a not swollen foot, giving into his alleged pains. the man that i knew has been reduced to nothing but a frail man, sick due to his wife and children constantly calling my dad to tell him "this may be his last birthday and CNY," or " he's very sick, you better come back, this may be the last time you'll get to see him,". though they mean good, i don't believe them saying all this is helping his health.

grandfather used to love me alot. i was really close to him. until i moved to kl, i was in my heart, i honestly felt to be his favorite. he used to sit me on his knee and tell me stories. something that he has never done to the other grand daughters. that's why i believed he loved me best. then when i moved, i think things changed. i changed to adapt to life in the big city. i had to be equally as hard as the people here, equally as quick. and then i was different.

my grandfather stopped loving me as much after i didn't do as well for my PMR. his new favorite was my grandmother's favourite. i was hurt, but there's not much one can do. i have always been my own person. art was a passion not encouraged by my parents. i sketched, painted, all on paper, but i wasn't as good as grandfather. i had no one to guide me. and he wasn't willing to teach me, or any of my cousins, one of which was like me, in awe of him.

things got worse, i didn't do very well for SPM too, whereas my other cousin, managed to score straights. while i wore tights boot legs, she wore track bottoms. while i was out watching movies, she was in church with her friends. i can bear being compared but then obviously the hurt sets in. this CNY, that particular cousin wasn't there. grandmother was sad but she didn't say much, grandfather would not say much. he had not talked much to me at all.

other than sad memories and bitter thoughts, i had a wonderful time meeting new friends and old. catching up with cousins and sharing laughter, hugs and kisses. i'll miss s'wak, it's food, my family there. but no matter what, i hate to admit it though, kl is now my home. and you know what? it's good to be home.