it is another boring day im uni. my fingers are freezing off and i think my toes are the next to go. i have a sniffle and i feel like i haven't slept in a year! what the hell is wrong with me?! the odd thing is that i slept like a baby last night. and today, as with yesterday, i feel so tired! and yet again, i have two assignments due next week, i would have honestly considered staying behind this weekend to finish off my work, but then the thing is that i have to go back for my haircut with mummy. unless of course that i get one by myself in subang later :P

i wonder whether it's normal then to be so tired all the time? hahah! maybe i'm just being a big pig :P well, at least i do try to avoid sleeping too much. after all, i have been stopping my naps for a while! yes, yes, this sounds like i'm desperately trying to defend myself, but who cares?! haha! some more tonight i have a "Party" to go to. my dear dear's pre-race party.

this is the first time i have heard of this function, cos nick didn't join this race last year. but then this is really a good experience lo. i mean like this would mean exposure for nick, whilst i'll be drinking in the beautiful cars! hahah! and maybe a few hotties! woohooo! *giggle!* ah well, i'm sure there'll be those hot "GT queens" in a sense of speaking. though some of them aren't very hot la :P

no, it's not the green-eyed monster speaking... it's the truth. i have to admit that the japanese ones, are the real deal. those girls are hoooot! no, i'm not bisexual either... at least i don't think so. i haven't been in the situation where i have been turned on by a lady la that's why. but i know a good looking lady when i see one!

skipped my lectures today to do my assignment due next week. i've been feeling so tired lately. with all the things on my mind, one of which is my assignments, then comes my best friend, then lastly, living up to expectations. so far i can truly say that i find true rest with my boyfriend, he seems to be just the right person to just sit down in silence with. no words, just us. though obviously we do talk. and we talk alot too! with him, i can be me.

lately life has been so mundane for me. not much excitement, just plain in out everyday trying to get work done, sleeping, eating. i barely know what excitement is! i look at those film where uni life is portrayed as a fun and enjoyable experience. it is when there is nothing to complete (assignments and projects) and plenty of time to hang out with friends. hahah! that's just wishful thinking.

the weekend was good though. had alot of fun with my brothers and actually went CNY shopping. bought two red tees and managed to get a nice pair of pants for my brother. but the shopping experience was exhausting. i know that as a girl, i should be enjoying trying on clothes, and what not la, but then when faced with the fashions of today, i actually cringe. somehow, everywhere i turn, there is an oddly designed, brightly coloured shirt that looks like it had been dipped in various neon paints and splattered with the same paints using a paint ball. eww? for me, it's just too "ah-lian".

ah well, back to my ridiculous assignment then! :P

it's raining all heaven is crying... maybe it is? ah well, is it the tears of joy or sadness... hard to say. if i were the Big Guy up there, i'd be pretty sad. this world is really going to the dogs... but then again, for some, it isn't.

why is it that love is usually the worst and best thing in the world? for many of us, we are disillusioned by the promise of happiness and joy when in fact, love can be a dark and scary place. in love manipulation, pain can occur. i on the other hand, am lucky to have found someone that would not do this to me. it is others that have done so, and that have done so to those i care for. just because one loves you, doesn't give you the right to use him/her. it isn't right!

there are those that use, due to loneliness. manipulation of the lover occurs and then when their needs have been fulfilled, they are left alone, without any reason or explaination. i'm lucky to never have faced it but then i have seen it happen. i have been caught in the middle of it all, i have been the one the patch up the wounds. why? because we, the friends, are the ones that catch our friends, craddle them in our arms when they need us, and finally, help them to grow again. but we will never be able to answer all the questions that they ask, we will won't be able to erase the scars left behind by the cruel manipulative heartless fiends.

i know that there are those that love with all their hearts, loyal to the end. thus is my relationship. i have so much confidence in him, knowing his little whims and habits. his happiness and pain, his funny little quirks, and he knows mine. he noticed the way i wrinkle my nose after i sneeze, he knows how i like to seperate my food on my plate, he notices when something is amiss. he truly loves. and i do too.

but my heart aches for the ones that ache because though they love like i do, their love does not respond that way. sigh! where is their heart? how does one manage to fool and play a fellow human around? do they not have any feelings? it's just not fucking fair! i know a close friend that faces this situation at the moment. i sorely wish that the stupid git that has left her hanging, would just call her and get over with it, she won't let go without him explaining why. why do such people exist?

once upon a time, i was in her shoes, but then our situations were different in that i had my heart stoney due to the pain as i walked away from the mess. mind you, the asshole didn't feel any remorse, but blamed me for being that bitch to walk out on him. both my friend and i have been the "wife" material. we are the type that wait up till 3-4 in the morning waiting for a call to ensure you're home alive and well. we give you your space but don't devoid you of affection. we are the kind of girls that you want to take home to meet your mum, no scandals too big, and yet not all pure until its just scary.

it due to this that guys like to manipulate us. i was so blessed to have someone like nick, but she hasn't fared as well as me. sigh... i do hope that life would be kinder to her...