Semester's Coming to a Close?!?! OH NO!!!!!!!

i cannot believe it. this semester is going by waaay too fast for my liking. i've been so busy handing up assignments. hopefully i do well for this sem. my brain's on a random auto-pilot now. ack... had a weird dream where i went on a field trip. i have an upcoming one that i'm looking forward to. but the silly thing about this dream is that we stayed in a 5 star hotel. nice beds, HBO, looked like those high class boarding school dorms, with lovely decor and the works. in my dream, my friend was married and he was married during the trip quietly. and of all the things, my engineering friend was there... which is ridiculous. anyhow, the reason why this dream is uber weird? cos i'll be going to see turtles nesting in a couple of weeks. to top that off, we'll be staying in dorms or even camping outside (which i wouldn't mind! :P) so obviously a high class hotel room isn't possible.

anyway, i have a report due next week, i TECHNICALLY have a report due tomorrow, which i have barely touched, i have an assignment due next week too. and the malay mail big walk is on sunday. i'm pretty screwed in a sense as i have so much to do. trying not to hyperventilate! and not to mention i have to go for hansel's farewell dinner friday. stoopid la.. hansel leaving already!!!! nick and i will be seriously missing him. more of nick la. anyway, tomorrow going to get him his gift. haven't really decided what to get him though... but then again, i won't say what i plan to get, in case he may happen onto my blog. he does read nick's.

ok ok back to work. i noticed nick has more hits than me. why ar? cos he has more pics? hahah! oh well...

What's Love?

after falling in and out of relationships, one would think i would know thoroughly what love really is. i'm not talking about platonic love, not talking about love between family members. i'm talking about the feeling that you get whenever you're with that special someone, and all you want to do is hold and hug him/her to bits. i'm talking about the feeling where you look at that someone and you know you'd die for them.

so what exactly is love? it makes us do irrational things. after all, what rational person would want to fall in love? don't get what i mean? let me explain. love makes people do things they don't or won't normally do for themselves or anyone for the matter.

love makes people change who they are to become more desirable to the one they love. love makes you want to break down in tears when that someone you love hurts you. it makes you forgive them nearly the next instance too. love makes you lose all sense of dignity and honour around that person. it makes you want to understand that person. love makes you blind to their faults, though many or few.

love scars you and makes you bitter when it leaves you in a broken manner. love makes you feel broken and incomplete without that special someone holding you or being close by your side. love makes you feel insecure, afraid of losing that person when someone attractive comes along. love makes you irrational. love consumes you, leaving little time and energy for anything other than loving that someone. love possesses your mind, leaving you thinking, pining and dreaming of that someone whenever you're alone.

love leaves you in a mess when that he/she doesn't answer the phone or reply your messages, even if it's because he/she forgot to charge their phone or left upstairs when they're at home. love makes you unbelievably happy and irrationally on cloud 9 when they finally reply you. love makes you worry half to death when your loved one is upset. love makes you wait up to ungodly hours to makes sure they get home safe and sound. love makes you feel guilty when you don't.

love makes you fight to keep that someone near you, despite how much hurt that person has caused you. love makes you stay up late late at night to finish the last touch to the gift you'll give him/her. love makes you tired the next morning with puffy eyes and a pounding headache. love makes you hurt them, and at the same time, hurt yourself even more, if for their own good.

why would anyone want to love? you're being reduced to a heap of blubbering mess when it all falls apart. you disregard yourself and place your loved one before anything in the world. you want to make sure that your loved one is safe and sound where no hurt can come to him/her. you just want them to be happy, even if it isn't with you.

but then again...

love makes you smile at the mere thought that he/she loves you back. love makes you float on the clouds and fills your heart with gladness at every little acknowledgement that you hear from his/her lips. love fills you so full of joy, even if it's for a while, when he/she looks back at you with a smile on his/her face. love makes it all worth it. that sigh of relief and the insane feeling of calm when you know that the one you love is happy and safe is worth all the sleepless hours, all the puffy eyes in the world!

love isn't all about the passion. passion is a by product. love isn't about lust, lust is human nature. love isn't about control, love is free... love trusts... love gives and gives and gives, completely satisfied without recieving, but who wouldn't like recieving. love is compromise. love is eternal.

love can change, fade and ebb away. but like a radioactive component with an extremely long half life, it never goes away. it'll always be there, a reminder for your heart. so what is love? love is a mystery... and i'm happy not really knowing what it is. i'll get to discover it more, everyday, bit by bit. and i'll be happy, because i've loved and been loved.

Sick

i am, without a miserable doubt, sick. despite my valiant attempts to anything but. my laptop has also decided to be sick along with me, as it has been giving me screen problems... AGAIN! i have been drinking alot of water,trying to reduce the "sickness" but though the concentration of sickness factor may decrease,the number of moles of sickness remains the same. to reduce the number of moles of sickness, i require several hours of good and sound rest. unfortunately, being a uni student, such things are not possible. so. what's a sick girl to do? simple. stay sick until the chemical properties of sickness decrease through half life. the half life varies with the sickness, and i hope my version of sickness has a low half life of two hours, unlike my brother's which is probably 3 days.

time being, nick will have no choice but to refrain from giving me a much needed good snog and share food with yours truly. his valiant efforts will be doubled with my irrational need to drink tonnes of hot water and sniffle and whinge when i sneeze. for all you who may find me a whiny little brat, UP YOURS. i couldn't care less... oh, aother thing, if you are a Monash student or a buggering Sunway brat, do do refrain from screaming in the MUSA lounge, i will not be very kind to you in words and will probably mutter and curse you under my breath. not only that, i will give you my killer glare. it's patented,by the way, due to it's efficiency. i get royalties whenever someone uses it...

*Ps... this is a fevered mind driving my fingers. i hold no responsibility over any hurt feelings... bah humbug!

Random Snippets of My Life…

i'm a very tired and sleepy girl tonight. problem is, as with every other university student, i have a dozen and one things on my mind that prevents me from sleeping. to make a short list ranging from the most bothersome to the least:

1. i most likely will have a low paying job once i finish my miserable degree. apparently you really can't earn jack shit in this profession.
2. i have a killer tutorial for 2 very hard subjects tomorrow. am only prepared for one so far, and it's already 10pm
   
3. have to complete GEN3030 essay by thursday night. i MUST... may shift this to no.2
4. lack of nick to balance the stress in my life
5. my presentation tomorrow... what to wear?!?!?!!

what's a girl to do?

my lily bloomed. the pictures are here.... nice le!
a pic from nick's performance in the nottingham annual dinner... took this backstage... :)

I'm Brit?!?!

i do want to start staying in Britain. i truly doubt i'm brit! i can speak with the stiff upper lip if you like, but i'm very much a chinese... and yes, it's known as football. after all, didn't the brits invent the damn sport?! england-arrrrr!!!

British:
[x] You drink a lot of tea
[x] You know what a brolly is
[ ] Deal or No Deal has taken over your life
[ ] You wanted Ben to win X Factor
[x] You use the word "bugger" or the phrase "bloody hell"
[x] Fish and Chips are yummy..
[x] you can eat a Full English Breakfast
[x] you dislike EMOS! almost as much as you dislike chavs
[x] its football... not soccer
Total = 7

Australian
[x] you wear flip flops all year
[ ] you call flip flops thongs not
flip flops
[ ] you love a backyard barbie
[ ] you know a barbie is not just a
doll
[x] you love the beach
[x] sometimes you swear without
realizing
[ ] you're a sports fanatic
[x] you are tanned
[ ] you're a bit of a bogan
[ ] you have an australian something
(shirt, phone sock, etc.)
Total = 4

Italian
[ ] The Sopranos is a great show.
[ ] your last name ends in a vowel.
[x] your grandmother makes her own
sauces.
[x] you know how a real meatball tastes
like.
[ ] you know Italian songs.
[x] you have dark hair and dark eye color
[ ] you speak some italian
[x] you are under 5'10''.
[ ] pizza/spaghetti is the best food in
the world.
[ ] you talk with your hands.
Total = 4

Mexican
[ ] you say member instead of Remember
[ ] you speak spanish or know some
[ ] you like tacos
[ ] yoU TyPe lIkE ThIs On Da CoMpUtEr.
[ ] you are dark skinned (tanned)
[x] you know what a Puta is.
[ ] you talk fast occasionally.
[ ] you have had highlights or dyed your hair.
[ ] you know what platanos are
Total= 1

Russian
[ ] you say villian as: Vee-lon
[x] you get short tempered
[x] you know of somebody named natasha
[x] you get cold easily
[x] rain is fun for you
[ ] You get into contests all the time
[ ] You can easily make do with the cold weather
Total= 4

Irish
[x] you love to drink
[x] you have a bad temper.
[ ] Your last name starts with a Mc OR Murph or O' or Fitz or ends with a ley,on,un,an,ins,ry, ly, y.
[ ] you have blue or green eyes.
[x] you like the color green.
[ ] you have been to a st. pattys day party.
[ ] you have a family member from Ireland..
[ ] you have blonde hair
[ ] you have/had freckles
[ ] your family get togethers always include drinking and/or singing

Total = 3

African American
[ ] you say nigga/nukka casually
[ ] You have nappy hair
[x] you like rap
[ ] You know how to shoot a gun
[x] you think President George Walker Bush is racist
[x] you like chicken
[x] you like watermelon
[x] you can dance
[ ] you can ‘sing’ gospel
Total = 5

Asian
[x] you have slanty/small eyes
[x] you like rice a lot
[x] you are good at math
[ ] you have played the piano
[x] you have family from asia
[x] you laugh sometimes covering your mouth
[x] most people think you're chinese
[ ] you call hurricanes typhoons
[ ] you go to Baulko
Total= 6

German
[ ] you like bread
[ ] you think American Chocolate is good.
[ ] you Speak some German
[ ] you know what Schnitzel is
[ ] you hate it when stupid people call you a Nazi
[x] you went to Pre-school..
[x] you're over 5'2"
Total= 2

Canadian
[ ] you LIKE/play/played hockey
[ ] you love beer
[x] You say eh
[ ] you know what poutine is
[ ] you speak some french-
[ ] you love Tim Horton's
[ ] at one point you lived in a farm house
[ ] you watch/watched degrassi

Total= 1

American
[ ] hate foreigners
[ ] hate non-Christians
[x] lazy
[ ] not cultured
[x] hate abortion
[ ] love the death penalty
[ ] don't read
[ ] shop at walmart
[ ] think this is rather biased
total = 2

Find the highest total and repost this
as "I'm..."

The Attack of the Boredom Boogie Man...

i wallow here in boredom

why why does he haunt me?

the boredom boogie man

i need some form of escape from him

the boredom boogie man

any moment now, any second,

he'll jump out of my closet and drag me in

into a world of dust bunnies

a world of gray

a world of emptiness and dismay

he renders you useless

your limbs lank and limp by your sides

your face an empty stare as he looks blankly at you

oh yes, the boredom boogie man....

Tis a Sad Day... (8.30 pm)i just got the news that my great grandmother has passed away. this was i think the closing event for my by then, screwy day. it started with waking up to my dad nagging me about my room continued with screaming and shouting from my brothers. just before i got the news, i was already fuming in my room when our dinner was disrupted by an argument between myself and my youngest brother. i won't go into details on that. all siblings fight. but now, i dont' feel angry. i feel sad.

before dinner, my aunt had called saying my poh tai (great grandma) was ill. this aunt has a tendency to blow things out of proportions so i didn't want to think so much about it. i was considering going back to kuching to look after my poh tai this break, if i wasn't laden with uni work. i think i should have just gone ahead and gone back to kuching... when i was working in the kitchen, i was wondering about all the stories that my poh tai could have told me if there wasn't a language barrier. i speak english, mandarin, hokkien, but no hakka. my poh tai speaks hakka only...

i regret not getting to know her better. she was always very sharp. she could still remember everything when we went back to kuching in CNY. i was looking through some of the pictures i stored in my laptop, and i realised that this CNY, none of us took her picture. i'm feeling a myriad of feelings. mostly sadness and regret. but then regret is too late, isn't it? all the "what if"s arise in my mind and i'm not making any consious effort to silence them. it fuels my regrets but then maybe this may make me change?

why is it that we regret so much when it's too late? things that really matter only seem to show when there's that crucial something that occurs. some large, big, drastic. it's cruel, but i guess what we really need to be is ready for everything. in my eyes, poh tai was a super woman. she used to tend to her own garden all the way till she was 90+. her health started to deteriorate a couple of years back. then not more than an hour ago, she left this world. she lived to a ripe age of 99. in the chinese calender, she was 100. the old bird lived pretty long eh? sigh.

maybe her death was for the better? she was very sick, turning blind and deaf. it was so frustrating for her to be unable to see us and hear us talking this CNY. i could tell. she still loved every one of us too. she smiled so happily when everyone gathered around her to talk to her, to hold her hand. she wasn't senile, mind you. she can remember all the grandchildren and the number of great grandchildren she had. she couldn't see, but when we told her who we were, she laughed and said, "Ah Kong's daughter eh!"

at least she's in a better place. a quiet peaceful place. she's with her beloved husband. she used to take us great grandkids to her room and show us his pictures and talk about him. in the smattering hakka i know, i could tell she loved him even then (what's there not to love?! my great grandpa was handsome!). i don't know what plans the family have now. i have no idea if dad will be going back to pay his last respects. i won't be surprised if he does go. he loved her alot. i have no idea how he's taking it either. he's been sitting in his room since we got the news and mum looks weary. i'll try to be good for the rest of the week. just for dad.

rest in peace poh tai. we love you.

i have just read this week's newsweek. it's about the war on iraq from the US army personel's point of view. it's really depressing to know that despite so many deaths, Bush still is adamant that he was right and believes that the war would benefit the Iraqis. the ultimate sacrifice of so may young men, fathers, brothers, lovers and friends...

the issue shows the letters the soldiers sent home to their families and when the soldiers died and how. if i wasn't reading it in uni, i think i would have cried reading from cover to cover. it's very sad. words really cannot express the horror and the pain i feel for the families. their loved ones were meant to be away on duty for a few months, which dragged onto years. most of the deceased are either young fathers or kids fresh out of college. this particular letter made me cry... he was just 19.

the iraqis have suffered too. most of the deaths in this war are not the rebells fighting to take back their country. it's the civilians, wrongly accused, wrongly identified and obviously, murdered in cold blood. normal everyday people, people that, if were in m'sia, you'd think of as your mamak, or the guy at your local sundry shop... they were INNOCENT.

Sadam is dead... why hasn't the US left iraq?