Exams... ARE FINALLY OVER!!!! :))))


you have no idea how happy i am for this... no idea!!! the amount of stress is finally gone. i can sleep peacefully without have laws and theories running through my head... all gone! :) hahah! anyhoo, thinking of what to do now that the finals are over. was thinking of maybe catching a movie, but all of them seem to be either lousy films, or i've watched them already :P


my only concern now is that i have to repeat subjects... i don't think i would fail any of my papers since it didn't feel that way... all but one pesky thing called biochem. stupid thing was damn hard la that paper. the others not so. ecology today was fantabulous! :) i think i'll take a nap soon. i'm so tired. running on reserves right now. my body is pooped. :P and i miss my baby :P

Day One of Exams... OVER!!!! :)

you have no idea how happy i am that the first paper is over... no idea! really, i have been freting over the damn paper for, what... say the whole of last week, and now it's over. i think i did ok :) hahah! at least i freaking hope so!!! monday i have another subject. one of the other killer papers la. sadly for me... then come thursday, the same. basically, my schedule, including today is as follows...

Day 1 (15/06/2006) ----> Instrumental Analysis (8.30 am, MPH)
Day 2 (19/06/2006) ----> Biochemistry (8.30 am, MPH)
Day 3 (22/06/2006) ----> Genetics (also 8.30... and yes, the same venue...)
Day 4 (23/06/2006) ----> Ecology (just like the other 3...)

monash is sooooo boring. FYI, all the exam venues are boring windowless rooms with freezing cold air-conditioning. not only that, i have 3 papers, that last some 3 hours each! so basically, for this entire week, i'll be waking up super early, sobbing as i drag myself to uni and then sit for the paper ... freeze in the halls and then return to my toasty little room to thaw myself out. isn't exams a bowl of fun?!?! hahah! :)

aiyoh... now i go la... i have a very hard paper to study for... adios for now :)

SPCA Round 2...

i've got new pics of the babies and other dogs in the SPCA :) bascially, this time around, there will be more pictures but no cats, we had to leave earlier than we had planned cos it was going to start raining :S anyhoo, on with the show!!! :)

to the left is a brown dog that we saw in the adult kennels. this darling was so friendly... came right up to the gate to have a pat and scratch. i didn't dare enter the kennel itself due to a rather fierce kennel mate it had. it kept growling and barking. ah well, some dogs aren't used to humans ma... ok, on with the show!

this little darling was in the puppy area.... he was very quiet
and not as frisky as the others... but a good cuddle! :P you can see my not as cute lips pursed as he turned his head away from the camera at the last minute... hahah! other than that, this little boy was all that was left of his litter i believe. the other puppy i posted up in my previous post has been adopted already :)

on with the show! the two next pups i have displayed were the pups that managed to steal my boyfriend's heart away... and that left me with nothing much eh? hahah! if i lose him to these pups, i don't blame him... i'm sure you can agree... hehe! :)

this little baby was just a darling la! he was frollicking in his little cage, being a good little puppy. not only that, he was so cute!!! look at those eyes la!!! hahah! and his colouration was beautiful too! this little fella was a black and tan. most prolly a mix breed kua... anyhoo, he's a darling? yes? hehehe! the other pup was a scruffy little dear. she was prolly a newcomer, afraid and also very young. she warmed up to us after a few scratches under the chin. :D

i'm sure you can see why my boyfriend took so many pictures
of the scruffy little girl... she's just an angel! i mean like look at thoses eyes and the ridiculously cute tongue sticking out that way! hahah! anyhoo, she's a darling! i think you can tell from the previous pictures that her previous owners or her mother had not fed her very well. her stomach is small and her fur is sparce. even so, she seemed so sweet. so small and frail, but i think with a little love and a warm home, she'll be as healthy as all the other puppies in SPCA :) and hopefully just as healthy as your dogs in your homes too :)

the next few dogs will the adults. there isn't much i can say but that ashley, the dalmation mix is still there :) she's a 2 year old darling. very friendly and sweet. she also very gentle :) it's a pity we couldn't get her to pose for us. she refused to turn to face the cam :O anyhoo, the white dog in the next pic is a very friendly dearie. her companion, a black, tan, and white other dog were the friendliest of they're little kennel :p the last dog, a male black and tan was quite friendly. he's situated on the outer compound for people to see when they enter :P

Brain Mashed and Ladida

i'm so so tired... i have honestly no idea why! stress? i doubt lo... :S but then again... the situation is such that i'm sleeping approx 7 hours straight daily, but it just doesn't seem enough... could it be the work load that makes me think about it day and night? maybe. i honestly can't think of a valid reason for my fatigue :S

well, anyhow, i have an assignment due next week. i've just handed up mine so i'm feeling a little lazy... which is bad la. anyhoo, the thing i love about this subject is that the lecturers are pretty lenient, they repeated the assignment questions so that the students can use their senior's work as reference! i mean how cool is that?! hahah! and i also missed mother's day... i so totally suck... sigh... gtg... i'm crapping now. so retarded...

SPCA... They're Running Out of Space For
Their
Babies... Adopt Please! Don't Buy...

i know that this is very selfish of me to say, considering that i want to have a miniature schnauzer for my own :P... but that's not my purpose tonight. tonight, i will announce my plan... i will update, as often as i can, of the puppies or dogs available in the SPCA... i'll try make it a weekly afair. if there's any support from you, i'll be more motivated to keep this up! :) so... to no further delay, i present to you my little angels from SPCA!!!


1. cross corgi. her name is bubba, she's 1 year old, tawny coat, very very adorable. took her for a walk and she's very playful. loves to be cuddled and showered with attention.

2. yee wang, the lab cross (i'll put it as a symbol X) soft brown coat, male, 2 months old, very shy and quiet (look left... )

3. ashley, 1 year old dalmation X, very sweet an has these beautiful eyes. her coat is dappled with splashes of spots and complements her

4. miniature pinscher X (with a bigger dog) this little boy, is half a year old, he's the sweeeeeeetest thing, very very affectionate and alert (suitable for people who can shower the attention)

5. german shepard X, (i forgot her name) 1 - 2 years old

6. terrier X (he's big boy, forgot his name) i can't remember his age, but i remember this. he was the biggest sweetie there. he looks gruff and fierce, but the funny thing is he's a real baby! he's so so adorable. grey coat, terrier features but is tall, maybe 75 cm tall

7. a couple of other terrier mixes in the puppy section (which i don't think i wanna go into too much cos they'll get snapped up fast)

the cats however, nick managed to take more due to a cam whore of a kitten... hehe! very cute one mind you...

1. 2 white kittens
2. 2 orange and white kittens (1 male, the other was unknown i didn't check) the male had
orangey brown eyes. very sweet little thing
3. several greys (1 was a week old ---->)
4. 1 dappled black, orange and white though i think someone wanted to adopt it already



This little angel has the nicest eyes















this same kitten has a sweet temperment. it's litter mates are like him, in colour, but only he has those beautiful eyes! this siblings have blue eyes. one of them is pure white, another, is like him with splashes of orange fur on their face and body.















if you're interested in any of these darlings, just gimme a shout... or go to SPCA
to confirm with them on the availablity of these beautiful darlings...

Path Less Trodden

Life is just this facade we put up for others to see. never revealing what we feel, what we think. all we ever do is conform to the norms of society. allowing society to shape us, telling us what's good and what's bad. most of us conform to society's view of good. and some, to the bad. but we never really show what we really are. scared people are usually those that act the most bold.

thinking about this makes me wonder. have we conformed so much that we lose our identity day by day as we try to be acceptable to the world? even children are forced to conform to norms of society. they're told what to do and what's expected of them. there is barely any individualism left. all of us brain-washed to believe in what others think we should be like.

just for example. when we were kids, the things our parents told us was that we had to be quiet in front of guests, don't tear through the house, don't scream etc... they expect us to be some over-achieving individual, a doctor maybe, engineer, lawyer, wealthy business man. what happened to doing what you want to do? i know there are some parents out there who let their children choose what they want out of life. but most of the time, it's really the values drilled into us that makes us choose the path we take.

what is the path less trodden? as of now, it is definitely less trodden, so much so that the grass and weeds have choked the road and there is no longer a path visible. the path less trodden, where does it lead to? have we ever dared to venture into the unknown? taken risks that we know will definitely have no certain end? are we ever willing to take those risks? those that brave that path, some have turned around running back to the crossroads to take the well-used path, others have reached the other end, and never returned. but then there are those that have returned, happy and content, knowing that they made a difference, that they were different...

have i chosen the path less trodden?

Mummy's Wrath... Beeeeewaaaaare!!!!

it's a real early time to start blogging i know... but today, i think it's a real special occasion! heheh! well, the only reason i'm awake is cos i heard my mummy's wrath from a miiiiiiillllle away (ie. in my bedroom, when the air con is on and the door is closed! :P) so anyhoo, i wake up to my mum yelling to someone...

now, for all that have not seen or heard the wrath of my mum... it's a temper that makes me, the fearless one of the family, quake in my shoes (or in my blanket in this case). my mum's temper makes her relatively the big she-bear that made attilla the hun pee in his pants... she's that scary! i think hitler would cry for his mum on seeing her!

so enough explaining exactly how scary mumsy can get! hahah! the reason for her anger was this policy that the condo has to not allow contractors in till after 9. so, mum booked them to come some 8.30. they were supposed to do the tinting of the main windows cos of the sun. and since it's a big tint job, they have to start bright and early to make sure that they don't get the sun.

the logic to this is gas expansion. although i'm sure they do a pretty thorough job, there are incidents where unsightly air-bubbles occur. reason for this? simple. i the afternoon, the glass would be warm and thus making the plastic tinting to expand, though even slightly. when night comes, the bubbles start to form as the plastic sheet shrinks back to it's orginal size. another reason could be that if one side dries faster than the other, all hell could break loose on the window.

so anyhoo, the guards won't let them in. i know that these dudes are just doing their job, but you see, mum doesn't really care... she wants it done early to get the best job! :O so she calls their boss... no diff... so mum hangs up on the woman after screaming into the phone! er... not exactly a nice point of my mum eh? but everyone has their "dark side"... *in the background, darth vader rises cos he heard my mum yelling and thought for a moment his mum was hounding his ass for being bad*

now, here's the interesting bit. my brother, the meek and quiet one, walks downstairs, carrying his 18year old 6 foot frame and strolls to the guard house. hell breaks loose there too... sigh! do people know how to freaking manipulate anything anymore?!?! sheesh! i think i'd manipulate the situation till the guards would actually feel guilty and let the contactors through... hahah! ah well, that's me... the manipulative vixen.

so as i type, they're doing the windows outside. they were finally let in at 9. ah well, at least the guards have something to bitch about today when they go home to their families...

*Warning!!! vulgar language... self-righteous people don't bother reading... i'd "hate" to sully your "perfect" eyes and life with my vulgarities

Rempits: A Bane to all Kuala Lumpur Drivers

i'm tired of hearing news of motorcyclists getting knocked down then pointing fingers at the car drivers... reason why? the above title. i mean like... what the fuck la... these fucking rempits think they blooody own the fucking road! what do you think har?!!? your grandfather own one ar?! sheesh la! what the fuck la...

ok, just to let you know what sparked my outrage was a perfectly fine drive home at 1.30 in the morning became a drive full of frustration and edgey nerves... mainly cos mumsy is the anxious one... (oh this happened sunday morning... technically speaking, morning) and i know this post is kinda late.. so sue me! :P

basically, what happened was that my bro notices a police block at the opposite side of the kerinchi link and then, we saw what they were waiting for. just straight ahead, darting out of the junction, was rempits...

these stupid asses were "rempit"-ing on their bikes. some with pillion riders... and usually some scantily clad female, no older than 20 clinging to a skinny male. i think there were some 20 plus bikes swerving in and out then... really stupid bunches of shit... shit for brains la they all! they basically hogged the entire fucking three lanes of the highway... like what the fuck!?!?! even cars don't freaking take up three lanes la you fuckwads! now, those familiar with kl roads, or at least familiar on the 101 ways to get to desa hartamas, this is from the kerinchi link to desa hartamas and taman seri hartamas.

dad was driving our good old wira and all of us were dying to get home to our nice cosy beds. then this shit brains think it's funny to ride fast and slow, however they please!!! i mean like they're freaking shaking hands and talking to each other on their bikes in the fucking middle of the road!!! as if to rub salt into our already irritated moods, this crazy ass fucker thinks he's the man...

this asshole suddenly speeds up to overtake my dad, and mind you, there was a lane free beside dad and the fella had to hug as close as he could to the car!!! fuck man! it gave my mother a shock... dad gripped his steering wheel like if he could, he'd take it out and whack the shit out of the fella's brains. my brothers were in the state of "what the fuck"ness... me, having witnessed this one too many times on the way back from the clubs, just sat there shooting death rays out of my eyes at them... ok, if only those death rays worked...

i know Jesus has risen from the dead, but heeeeellllllloooooooooo?!?!! you're not Jesus! gaaah!!!!

you can't freaking raise your shit brains from the floor if you wanted to! which is why you have shit for brains... you shat out your freaking brains and left them on the floor, then stuffed shit into your brain cavity! and those girls riding behind you are air heads.... they're so empty headed they think... wait.. they can't think... so let's just leave it at that before i accidentally compliment them.

oh, as if to make life harder, they blocked off the first turning to kiara, the one through the SMK Hartamas school, by riding so slow. then not enough... they decide to congregate at junction!!!! you know the junction to turn to either desa or taman hartamas? yeah, that one! dad was tired and irritated. so he did what most kl drivers would, without honking, he drove as close as he could to the motorcycle... luckily, one of them suddenly grew an inch of brains and asked his friend to speed up... then we got home, mum, still a bundle of nerves... cursing stupid idiots all the way home...

great way to start the easter week huh?

Mid-Semester "Break"

i think the uni thinks its funny to give us some hope of a nice week of relaxation, sitting by the pool, sipping on lemonade... ah!!! that would be just what i need! the bad thing is that i'm soooo not going to get that! reason? cos the uni also thinks it's funny to load our breaks with assignments and tests to prepare for... gah!

let's just list down the entire list of things to do this entire holiday:
1. eco trip report 1&2 (eco trip one due 17th)
2. biochem assignment 2
3. instru assignment 2
4. genetics computer gene mapping project
5. biochem revision
6. gentics lab reports
7. genetics revision for test 2

and i only have a week!!!! :S sigh... i think the lecturers forgot what it was like to be a student. ah well, at least we have technology! :P in a way... oh, btw, tomorrow's easter but i'll be going for the easter vigil mass... it's really an experience for one to sit for that mass... it's long, but very rewarding :P

back to work... ta ta people.. till uni decides to be nice to me...

Big Bad Assignments... and A BIGGER and BADDER Test... All Come Monday!!! :S

oh, this has to be the most hectic weekend i'll be having. i'm actually in the middle of a extensively complex report. actually 6 in one report due monday, along with my favorite subject, genetics to be tested. i'm sooooo dead... i mean like think about it la... i have these 6 reports due monday. on friday, i have another report due. monday, i have a test that's covering 6 chapters. i'm on cloud nine of hell... :S

to make things worse, i'm having the worst thing any girl can have when she needs her weekend to be a productive one. i'm having one of the worst cramps i've had in a while... shits... and i so need the concentration and energy, all that i can muster to finish 6 reports within a weekend. i should have never allowed myself to fall behind in work. shit la! this is the worst thing about doing science. the reports... it's killer.

*dreamers don't go anywhere... but we don't go anywhere without dreams*

Uni's Just Soooo Hectic... Why Am I Not Used to It Yet?!?!?!

tomorrow i have a test that i just finished studying for, my eyes are burning with fatigue, yet i just felt like had to let this out. sigh... i was having lunch with a bunch of juniors today... and oh, they were complaining to me they were suffering!!! i know i was doing that then... i have an idea now, why my seniors were like " HAH! you ain't seen nothing yet!" really...

tomorrow, i have a crazy early class at 8... wtfh la... wish these lecturers would just to bed and sleep till noon like the rest of us :P well, i have been yum cha-ing with a bunch of jokers i call my friends at "corner shop" at the awful timing of 7.30 am so i really have lacked some very precious sleep. hahah!

i think the worst bit of my luck is coming after this damned test. i have my genetics report due next week, which is actually a compilation of 6 reports in one!! :S and then, there's the ecology report i have to hand up next week too. i think i won't be able to sleep well... i better start doing more work. putting in more time la. not to mention that genetics class is also next week... DIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!

i really wish so hard that live was really like the uni life portrayed in the movies... why la!!! then again, sigh! wishful thinking never got anyone anywhere now right?! ah well.. on with life la... gah! damn stressed!

University Ecology Trip to Kuala Selangor

just got back yesterday from a 3 days 2 night trip to Kuala Selangor for my ecology trip... it was great! really! minus the leech bite and getting all stuck in the mud. basically, we left at around 5.30 pm and arrived at Kuala Selangor at around 7.30... reason for the late arrival? a freaking crazy jam! so anyhoo... that's where the fun begins.

on arrival, we put away out things and then went to have the dinner provided by the uni. not bad... but i can't really remember what we ate la. after that, it was a rush off to view the fireflies. myself anf hui ru latched ourselves to KY our, senior and made him take us on his boat. dr cathy joined us in the boat we took and off we floated up the river.

for those that have never been there, the fireflies are beautiful. it's the most romantic thing to view! really! and the sad thing is i was sitting next to KY instead of my dear dear... :S but anyhow, it was nice. me and KY went on a hyper happiness when we stopped to take pictures of the firefly-filled tree... it was like this nature-produced christmass tree. it was really so nice! :) i managed to take a couple of pictures... but then the images were not very clear, i didn't have enough exposure so the picture only managed to catch maybe 2 - 6 flies flashing :S

the next day, we woke up early, me and hui ru, to follow KY to see otters in the lake.. (i christened in Otter Lake, but it's really someother name... :P) so anyhow, we departed the camp site at about 7-8.30 and walked through the forest to the lake... it was beautiful. if i learn how to upload the pics into this site, i will. but i think i'll most likely upload it into my multiply site. anyhoo, we managed to reach there, but the otters knew we were there and dived into the water. it really was a beautiful view at the lake, even though we didn't get to see the otters.

after the otters, we followed the rest of the group to the mangroves.. trudging through the mangroves in big rubber boots is soooo not fun. the mangroves literally swallows your boots if you stand in one place for too long. i got stuck twice, but many were falling over and getting sucked in more than that.

though it was straineous, the experience was beautiful. we got to see the cutest little crabs, though they didn't stay long enough for me to snap a picture of them :S anyhow, just as i was exiting the mangroves, i got the final stuck in the mud! gaaaah! lost my boot, then my socks :S not fun... trust me... hahah! but it was irritating to be like 5 steps away from the exit then getting stuck :P

the afternoon was the trip to the secondary forest. also alot of nice flowers and plants. i preferred that walk due to the nice nice scenary :P anyhoo, all the pics i haven't uploaded yet. the only thing i have been doing is sleep to restore the energy i lost.

in the evening however, i went up the hill with hui ru to see the sunset... the view up there was breath-taking. basically, there was a lighthouse, a troop of maniacal monkeys with the most adorable babies, and tourists left right and center. the monkeys there were mostly tame and actually used to people so it makes them not afraid of us... again, a lot of beautiful scenary snaps were taken...

the last day was a trip to Gombak forest. now that was where the leeches decided to attack me! more than one climbed onboard my shoes, one managed to latch on and suck :S so anyhoo, the leech was yanked off by a nice friend. and the bite bled for quite a while :S again, the view was beautiful... sigh! nature is wonderful, but so easily destroyed... i think the only thing i didn't like about the trip was the leeches. and i fact that the toilet was... let's not go there :|

Classes Day in Day Out

gosh... i have never felt so exhausted in my entire time in uni. i feel mentally exhausted. i have been sleeping well, and actually absorbing stuff in class, but the thing is, by the end of the day, i'm just sooo tired. as i type, i'm taking a break from reading the new notes my instrumental lecturer added yesterday...

thinking about the field trip this weekend is another head ache. i'm just wondering what am i going to do if the area i'm in has no digi coverage?! i could bring my maxis number but that would mean i have to spend money to buy credit. and as of now, i really should stop my spending... sigh! i'll be broke by the end of the week!

uni life is taking a toll on everyone i know... we have been lazing around all holiday and when we're thrown back into this speeding world of assignments and reports, it suddenly feels so hard to keep up! even finding time to study can be a headache. lately, i've been going to bed with throbing headaches... totally makes me wish i could just fall asleep as soon as i rest my head on my pillow! hahah! ah well, back to work then... ta for now!

Sick Sick Sick Bastards...

in this world, there are sick sick sick bastards... i can't even say... i'll just let you go to the link and agree with me

Hot Sun... Storm.... Hot Sun... Storm... (Wtf?!...)

the above comment is to indicate the insane weather lately. it has been this insane cycle of incredibly hot sun then a crazy torrent of rain, followed by a heavy storm. it's so insane!!! really. as i type this, it's raining like fuck. heheh!

the only good thing about these storms is that once it's over, it'll be pretty cooling :). oh, i think i may be going to have to loan my beloved cheongsam to a friend. i hope it'll turn out fine... i really love that cheongsam...

sigh... i feel so dead...

What a Killer Storm!!!! WoooooooHooooo!!!!!

wow! yesterday's storm was just wow! i have lost count of how many tress have fallen due to the rain! aside from that. my apartment was totally flooded!!! my room, luckily, was nice and dry, i happened to be in my room mer. anyways, the wind and rain was pretty bad. the old tree outside my window lost two branches, the tree next to it lost a couple too. one of the branches fell on a staff car and then, you can imagine the nice scartches and dents that would be apparent after that!

anyhow, the park opposite my hostel also suffered pretty badily. a tree was uprooted in a sense... though my dear dear insists that the tree just fell cos it was pulled out of the ground... this morning , i walked by, i could see the roots shown in the air!

all around sunway, the signs of a bad storm is evident. fallen trees, broken branches, leaves on the road, newspaper and rubbish strewn all over the place. i was lucky to be in my room. my study notes would have been thrown all over the place by the wind had i not been. not to mention my room mate's notes would have gone out the window too... or maybe, when we got back, it may have ended up as paper mache!

i have a fascination for the power of mother nature (for all you self-righteous christians claiming that my reference to mother nature means i worship the earth... Screw yourself... you guys should fucking read more to realise that it's a manner of speech, as the word "Fuck" is). imagine, a wind so strong it lifted trees out of their stable anchor into the ground in a short 30 minute storm. i was awed... and here we are, making use of the resources we have been so generously given, to destroy the beautiful planet we live in.

which brings me to yet another thing. i have absolutely no idea why some people seem to think that genetic engineering is "evil". look, let me tell you this. it isn't the doctors that are saving you bloody ignorant bastards! it's us biotechies that have to find some stupid antibiotic or some kinda of medicine for your countless pathogen problems. for goodness sakes! eat well, sleep well, life well, and you won't need our damn medications, and we won't have to think of smart ways to blast your little germs to oblivion...

Ganbate Sem 1 2006!!!! Here Weeeeeee Goooooooooooooooooooo!!!!

Oh gosh man! feeling like a fucking nerd. i'm actually reading my notes everywhere i go now! bloody hell... if i don't fucking score a disctinction... i really dunno what to do or say lo. uni life was never easy but then... sigh! doing all this studying is tiring. i find myself getting exhausted though all i do is climb stairs to my apartment, go to classes, eat, sleep, debate with the engineers about retarded topics and struggle to make sure i won't be as lazy as last semester. so far i'm staying true to my schedule. requiring a helluvalot of discipline la...

so far, to date, i think i've been studying quite well... i think la. at least i'm remembering things i studied in the lecture theaters. planning to sleep properly so i can stay awake in the lectures... not that i dare sleep liao la... just that i get rather tired... and the brain can't absorb much in that state.

today, for genetics, we learnt of a genetic disease, it's called Tay-Sachs and basically, what it is, is just one missing letter in our DNA structure. this missing letter, is crucial in the coding of a enzyme. the lesson didn't go into detail about what this missing letter was, but the effects of one missing letter was lethal.

basically what happens is that the baby that is born with this disease is doomed from the moment he/ she opens their eyes to the world. this letter missing in their HEXA gene is crucial in producing an enzyme required in the breaking down of the fat in the developing brain of a baby. without this enzyme, as the baby grows, there is no room for the brain to grow, thus damaging all learning processes. most children born with this condition do not live past 5.

watching the anguish of the parents for this child made me want to cry. i was biting back every single tear with every fibre in my body. one reason, i was imagining if my child was in that condition. the baby shown had deteriorated from a happy laughing bubbly baby boy to a vegetable. he couldn't even smile or laugh. can you imagine your son in that condition? and the worst thing is that both the parents were carriers, making it very possible that their next child be another victim. for a mother, it is the worst thing. to have your child die due to a faulty gene in your DNA make up(if she decides it's her fault la).

to explain the severity of the disease, lets just say that your child, a happy baby slowly deteriorates. he used to be able to crawl, sit up and poke the bubbles you blew in his face. suddenly, one by one, he can't. he can't even smile anymore. then one day, he starts having seizures, then he grows blind by age 2. along the way, he can't suck on his milk bottle anymore and doesn't know how to swallow, then by 3, he's deaf. and deep inside, you know he's doomed to die by 5 years...

any woman out there would rather have no children than have their child subjected to this. really. that's why i recommend a full blood DNA check up before marriage. both you and your fiance. this disease, as with many others, are only capable of affecting your offspring in pairs as they are repressive. both you and your partner would have to be carriers of this faulty gene.

according to most scientists, the disease, thank God, isn't common in asians but more of those with Ashkenazi (eastern and central European) Jewish background and Amish people. even so, it's a mutation, and seriously, shit happens. i sure as hell am going to test my DNA before having babies. i don't want my child to be hit by some shitty disease that i learnt of while doing my degree... and i was ignorant enough to be hypocritical to whatever i would recommend to others.

oh, btw, the poor baby that was made the case study has passed on. Rest his soul, at least he'll be laughing and happy again in heaven. if ever you find out that you have family with jewish ancestory, though slim (i'm talking about M'sians generally), do do do ask them to check themselves up. even as an asian, we also have quite a few genetic diseases i'm sure. it's better to be safe than sorry.

ps.... symptoms that your baby may suffer from this disease is that he/she would be extremely jumpy and responds drastically to surprises. for more info, use... the internet!!! muahahah! :P

Petrol Prices... Up Up and Away!!!! (but our morale going down baby)

i know i've already blogged for today but then something in me needs to be let out. sigh! you see, petrol prices went up early last week if i remember right. my parents each drive a car and my mum's 4x4 uses diesel. diesel is cheaper but then that's not what i'm talking about now. what i'm going to share is what happened this morning, and how it affected a decision i made just an hour ago.

you see, my mum needs to pump gas every week due to fetching my brothers up and down everyday. so today, after church, we went to a shell station along the highway to pump some gas. shell staff are given a car, a petrol card that entitles the holder to 5% discount off the total price. now, what happened is dad was moody today and when he went to pay for the gas through the card, the sales girl told him that people cannot pump "full" tank this way, but state an amount. dad blew up and stormed out of the petrol convinient store, embaressing my mother and brother who were waiting in line to buy bread.

after that, dad made a short trip to another kiosk near damansara. he went in and bought RM50. this time, the kiosk didn't accept the shell card so no discount. mum wasn't amused. though we could have saved a mere RM2.50, mum has been saving every penny. my brother was planning to go NZ to do his engineering. aside from that, money is hard to get nowadays. she and dad were quarrelling all the way home. as usual, we kids would be quiet as mice to let mum blow of some steam.

ok. now onto now. just now, i walked out of the shower, dressed and good to go back to the hostel when mum suddenly says that i'll be sent back tomorrow. saving petrol apparently. dad takes a similar route. the catch is my class is at 8am. and this is majorly inconvinient for me. other than that, my dear dear planned to see me tonight and i had to cancel it due to this. sigh. trying to bargain my way into getting them to send me home would result in a huge fight so i backed out. sigh.

i know nick's upset about this and would be rather moody, knowing him la. but then i guess the one that is to blame is me. i shouldn't have told him that i'll see him tonight. to top it off, i won't be spending nearly 24/7 with him this week as i'll be spending most of my time in the hostel to make sure i have time to go to his race with him... i think i'll call him after this to apologise... stupid petrol prices...

So Hot... But Must Continue to GANBATE!!!!!

So warm la lately. today went to church, the temperature was at a blazing 37 degrees. shiiiiattes.... anyhooo... there was this article in the church bulletine that made me want to laugh. "Colours and Their Meanings".

as far as i know, God made all the colours in the world. why the heck would colours suddenly have meanings? today's featured colour was black... can you guess what they wrote? i wanted to take the author by the neck and point out to him that priests wear black cassocks, nuns have black habits, most people in the world have black hair! and there the author goes talking about how the colour black is evil and all that crap. sigh! leading poor innocent believers into thinking they have to burn all their black clothes (my parents included... sigh!).

today, i'll be debating on the insanity of these people and their stupid interpretations of colour... black... it's not an evil colour depicting the devil. it's a nice colour, showing the yin and yang of life... i have never believed that colours represent any evil at all. in the colour spectrum, there's such a wide spread! so are these people trying to tell me that for every wavelength of light there is, it has a meaning? if so, good luck in making up the meanings.

ok, i'll put this to you. the colour white. in some cultures, it symbolises purity, innocence, cleanliness and the good stuff. in others, it's a colour worn during periods of mourning. for example, chinese would kill you if you wore a white wedding cheongsam to your tea ceremony. in the ang moh's context, a bride in white is a picture of perfection.

red... this colour, for chinese, is a wonderful colour. worn during CNY, weddings, births, any celebration! but then the ang moh's think otherwise. you see, red, to the ang mohs, may mean a variety of things. for some, rage, others, sensuality, war. mars is red, and the greeks regarded him as the God of War... so, which should we believe?

black is indiscrete. it blends in beautifully with everything. the europeans were fascinated with our ebony hair, dark dark eyes... in that way, are we evil? the africans were thought to be lower than whites, why? because their skin was black? see! this is all due to the point of view of others. black was a scary colour once upon a time! imagine a place where the dark was full of the unknown? i don't blame our ancestors to be wary of the colour, but i doesn't give any reason for shunning it!

black is just a colour... it holds no meanings to me. it's the people wearing the colour that make it something. just as some consider red and black to be sexy, it's all the individuals wearing the colour that makes it mean something...

Guilt Ridden, Heart Broken, Mentally Crushed

has anyone felt like they let down the world? well, let me just say this la it is not a pleasant feeling. i have yet again, failed myself, my parents and those that believe in me. i have failed yet again 2 subjects. honestly, i think i must be crazy. i have no one to blame but myself. sitting here, analysing myself, at 1am, without my contacts on, eyes burning. sigh. can't sleep you see...

as of now, i have listed down the reasons why i didn't do well. i was supposed to pass, theoretically, i did, but then cos i failed the finals, i failed the papers. sucks, but that's how it goes. i've done my thinking, my soul searching. i know my dear is prolly worried about me. but as of now, i'm vowing to myself that i won't let my parents down anymore.

mum told me a few things that have made me like my title says, guilt ridden, heart broken and mentally crushed. she's not pressuring me, don't get me wrong. it's just that i have neglected my responsibility as a good daughter for so long that i feel so bad. all my parents wanted out of me is to do well in life. and so far, all i've done is fail their expectations. i have been over-confident and ignorant to my capabilities, to how far i can stretch myself. i really needed to analyse myself.

i listed the things i needed to change about myself. nick told me it's time i grew up a little more. i think i know what he means. all my life, i have tried to stay behind in the rat race, be like how i was when i was still in high school, care free, ignorantly happy. life can'tbe that way sadly. i have all the chances given to me yet each time, like a fool, i waste them.

as of now, i'm still thinking of how to tell my parents that i have let them down again. i can't bear to see their faces. i know it would please them to see me eager to change my ways, but i know they'll ask finally. and till then, i plan to let them be as relaxed as possible. i have good parents that love me to bits, a supportive family, loving boyfriend and friends. imagine, my friends flocked to me on hearing my grades, my boyfriend rushed to my side too. have i been falling back on their comfort so much i have turned ignorant to my responsibilities?

planning out my study time, i noticed that if i really really pay attention, and really stick to my new timetable that i set for myself, i would have no problem finding time for my social life. the thing now is to stick to my new regime. i really have to psych myself up to stick to it. there is only so much my friends can do to help me. the rest is up to me. all this is keeping me up. thinking thinking thinking. i feel so useless suddenly that i haven't bought my other reference books and haven't begun my revision. this really is a slap in the face. like the many times i have been slapped in the face mentally by my failures in life.

sigh... i'll leave this at this.. and mull and think again exactly how to tell my poor parents... i should burn in hell for hurting them this way... i better make it up to them... i HAVE to!