Mad mad mad... (not furious...)

i don't know what to think of myself... i know that my site gets very little traffic, thus making it a little ok for me to let some things out... so basically, what's got my knickers in a twist is the small doubt about myself, that i just may not be as liked as i thought. i have friends, but the feeling's different from having close friends. i have a few that i can confide in and a few that are just purely for fun. but then there's something missing... i just don't know what.

i have a good relationship with my bf, though at times, i really want to kill him. i have a good relationship with my best friend, i know, no matter what, i can depend on her. i have good relationships with my uni classmates, i can hang out with them and really laugh and have fun. but other than that, i still feel like i have something out of place, especially when i hang out with my uni mates. there's a companionship that they have that i can't seem to acheive. could it be cos i spend nearly all my time with my bf? i seriously don't think so.

my bf, thanks to him, i have close friends in engineering, when i think about it, i'd like to have that many friends in biotech too. complaining about cellular structures and a mutated bacterium to an engineer is like explaining the formulas of thermodynamics to pure art student. they just stare blankly at me! but the thing is, spending so much time with them, i understand the concepts of engineering... sigh!

my best friend? i don't see much of her nowadays... don't ask me why. i think it may be due to our timetables being so different, or that we have just settled into uni, finding our own groups pf friends. a friendship as old as ours may be strong, but as with all strong things, its brittle is left unattended to. we both have our own lives, and i honestly can feel us drifting apart.... sigh! somehow, i don't feel the urgency i thought i would have felt if i knew we were drifting apart. its as if we both knew this would happen.

i'm going to end this on this low note... depressing to think about it la...